Monday, April 1, 2013

The April Fool

I Relapsed....


I am near completion of day 22 of my abstinence, with NO binging and no purging :). This process feels extremely slow, and I think I need to stop thinking about it in days... It might make it go by quicker. I'm feeling extremely tired, so I am just going to give you my AEIOU's and call it a night. Plus, school starts tomorrow, so i should TRY to get a good nights rest.

A- I am still abstinent. I went to an afternoon meeting at 12:30pm that was a step study. We each read a paragraph or two from the book and then share about what is read. It was a smaller, more intimate meeting, which meant I got to share quite a bit about the literature. It all still really confuses me, but I try to just be genuine and speak to what I read.

E- I ran a delightful 6 miles this morning! It was calm, cool and a perfect spring morning. I still had some stomach nausea that came up. I'm not sure if this is all the vitamins I am taking, or what... but I'm over having to "go" when I'm running (especially since I did before I went out!!!). Anywhoo... I also got in some walking with mom in the afternoon. probably about two 15-20 minute walks.

I- Today was a day all about me. I allowed myself to sleep in since I was so tired when my alarm went off at 6.   I eventually got up at about 8:15am and got ready for my run. I also treated myself with a pedicure and getting my arm pits waxed (I know, weird pleasure). I accepted every compliment I received today :)

O- I helped one of my classmates write a letter to another student that she did not want to write. I treated another fellow to coffee today after a meeting, and genuinely heard her concerns. I also spent a great deal of time with my mother today and drove her to her group this evening. I said hello and good morning to everyone I ran past during my run this morning :)

U- The primary topic of today's reading was Humility which is always appropriate for the recovering addict. For me right now, it is about humbling myself to the fact that I am an infant in this stage of recovery and with that comes ups and downs, bumps and falls and having to learn to crawl before I can walk. If I knew what I was doing, I would not have been binging and purging for over 7 years... it is time to give it up to those who know more than I do, particularly my Higher Power.

I had an experiment with restricting today. It didn't go very well, but I learned a lot. I told myself that if it didn't work, then I would go back to the usual way tomorrow. I think for now, it will be better for me to make the usual amount of food I make, and to simply leave some on my plate when I get full, rather than making less and finding myself wanting to binge later.

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