Monday, April 22, 2013

Mexican Food... NOT SAFE!

Man, What a busy weekend!!! 

I spent all day Saturday at work, and all day today at the Ren Faire

Tyler and I sing in a Madrigal group that performs at the faire a couple times a year, and today was our first gig. It was a long, hot, day and I was not in the mood for ANY of it. While I did manage to have some fun (I love performing... but hate the costumes), I could not stop obsessing about the food. That is, after all, primarily what the faire is known for. I had brought my own food, but it was NO substitute. I still just wanted everything in site and was left feeling completely dissatisfied. 

I had been texting people in program to try to keep my head on straight, but eventually my phone died and I had no contact to the outside world :(. I know that Tyler is supportive of me, but sometimes I feel like acting "normal" with him is so much easier than trying to fight it. I don't want to have to explain to him that I can go to a restaurant and eat like a normal person and have him look at me like I am crazy. I just want to go out and enjoy myself with my boyfriend. But the reality is that it makes me feel so much more miserable... that it just isn't worth it... 

By the time Tyler and I got home, I was starving and the only thing that seemed to make sense was Mexican Food! This was probably a horrible idea, that ended deliciously. Tyler and I split a burrito and potato tacos along with one basket of chips and salsa. IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS!!! To be honest, it eating that food was better than having sex. Each bite was a perfect combination of delectable goodness. And then all I wanted to do was eat more...

I started thinking about all the things in my house that would have complimented this food and continued to keep me feeling full. I started to day dream about all the sexy foods available to me. And, by the grace of god, I managed to just fall asleep. It was the only thing I could do not to ravage food from everywhere (plus I was so full, tired, and sunburned that it just felt right). 

On my way home from Tyler's house I called my sponsor and tattled on myself before I did anything wrong. She gave me a lot of good perspective, and made me realize that there was nothing wrong with what I had done today. I had a plan, I strayed from it slightly, but i did not completely wreck myself. I took action before doing something stupid that I would have regretted. 

My recovery is about progress, not perfection, and i think today showed that. I made it to bed tonight with my abstinence still in tact and tomorrow is another day for me to try make better decisions for myself.

With that.. here are my AEIOU's

A- Yes
E- Ran 5.77miles (50 minutes)
I- Laughed, enjoyed spending time with my boyfriend, spent the day singing and performing, talked to my sponsor ;), checked in with fellows, did not allow myself to makes excuses to punish myself, took a nap!
O- Treated my boyfriend to coffee and lunch, Thanked a fellow for her help, 
U- Restricting will only lead me to wanting to replace it with other triggering foods! Being flexible and finding a balance between my "needs" and "wants" is far more important than simply telling myself "I CAN'T have it!"

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