Friday, April 5, 2013

A ridiculously Rough Day

Happy Thursday!!!

I went to bed fairly early last night, and still woke up extremely exhausted!!! I feel so sluggish this morning that it seems almost impossible to do anything. Coffee isn't helping, tea isn't helping, and even my work out isn't helping... I think I need to start realizing how hard I am pushing myself during the week and do some schedule rearranging. For example, today is day 4 in a row that I ran. Let's be honest... this is way too much, and pretty damn obsessive and it needs to stop. From now on I am ONLY allowing myself to run a maximum of 3 days in a row. I think this is really going to help me gain more energy and feel more rested throughout my week. Regardless of whether or not this is true... I am willing to try it.

I'm sitting in my DSM class right now, and I am dealing with a really strong urge to binge. On a scale from 1-10 I'm rocking about 9 and I am just a few moments away from saying FUCK my abstinence walking to the vending machine and grabbing some trail mix, or pretzels or ANYTHING that is a mix of sweet and salty goodness. The only thing keeping me in this chair right now is knowing how AWFUL I am going to feel going to a meeting tonight saying that I broke my abstinence. I am so close to my 30 days that I do not know if I could live with myself if I broke it now.

I cant focus, tea is not working, and neither is talking about it. I decided to pull a chocolate soy milk from my bag and hopefully that will help me calm down. I am also going to just start praying to go to for the ability to focus right now.

Ok that's not working... Time to try a Gratitude List:

1. I'm Grateful that my mother's cancer is in remission
2. I'm grateful for beautiful Southern California Weather
3. I'm Grateful that I still have an opportunity to live a long, full , healthy and happy life!
4. I'm Grateful for my therapy appointment tomorrow
5. I'm Grateful for food that fuels my body, instead of trashing it
6. I'm Grateful that I LOVE vegetables
7. I'm Grateful for this picture that my aunt took of our roses

I'm needing to get out of my own head a little more to make this work. Sorry, but I am going to have to cut this short...

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