Hello and Happy New Years Eve!
It's that time of year where everyone reflects on their greatest accomplishments, their downfalls, their highlights and favorite things of the year. For me... this year was a bit of a disaster.
Bad Things about 2012:
I wasn't able to maintain my recovery, my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I missed two of my scheduled races, I got placed at an internship that has pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that it makes me want to cry.
But with all of the frustrating, maddening and dissatisfying things about 2012, there were a lot of great doors that opened to me this year.
Good things about 2012:
I got my first job as a mental health professional, I ran the Tinker bell Half Marathon, I got accepted to my number 1 choice of graduate programs, I started a blog due to a race challenge I put myself up to, I celebrated 5 years with the greatest man I've ever known, I finished my first quarter of my MSW program (barely), and I got to go to Disneyland for the first time in 4 years with 3 amazing women.
When I look at things from that perspective, it doesn't sound like my year was half bad. Mom is still recovering, and I got to spend so much time with over the last week that I am grateful that she has been given a second chance to live. As good as all this might be... I am ready to say Goodbye to 2012 and open my arms to 2013.
This is normally the time in the reflection process where you start to mention your RESOLUTIONS for 2013... but I am not going to do that. I don't really like creating resolutions, because I feel like they're a lot like diets....setting yourself up for failure. So instead, I am going to list some things that I hope to experience during 2013.
My 2013 Bucket List
1. Compete in 13 Half Marathons. While running the Operation Jack Half Marathon, I came up with the brilliant idea to run 13 Half Mary's in 2013 (13-13.1-2013). Granted... this may have been a moment of insanity while on an Endorphin High... I'm taking it VERY seriously. Well, as serious as I can. I'll share more about the details and race Calendar in my next blog post, so stay tuned.
2. Finish my First year of Grad School. This may seem like a no brainer, but after my first quarter it seems this may be harder than anticipated. With all the craziness of my mom's diagnosis and surgery I contemplated dropping out several times. Thankfully, I stuck with it and will be starting my second quarter in less than a week. Attached to this one, I am also going to try and put more effort into appreciating my internship and not being so judgemental to the entire process.
3. Take an active role in my Recovery. Although I have gone off and on the wagon several times this year, I am still committed to keeping myself healthy, wealthy and wise. I know I can do it, but I need to start putting more effort into myself if I want to see positive and lasting results. This means ACTUALLY going to OA meetings and not just looking them up and talking to counselors at my school counseling center.
4. Love more, stress less. 'Nuff said
5. Spend as much time as possible with my mom.
6. Cook more
I'm sure there is more, but these are all I can think of... and to be honest, I think that is more than enough to take on in one year. Anything else will have to just be a goal :)
I hope everyone has a happy and healthy New Year!!!
This blog was started as a story about my journey on the road to recovery from bulimia on to the healthy lifestyle that I have always wanted. I utilize running, exercise and balanced eating to create my healthiest self. Follow along as I complete my Fourth Year of abstinence from purging and train for my second marathon.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
A Goal Setter and a Go Getter!!!
Happy Tuesday, Everyone!
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Break, and that you are rested, relaxed and ready to take on the Christmas Holiday :)
I am proud to say that since my recent difficulties with my mother I have (yet again) turned over a new leaf and have been sober (aka binge and purge free) for 5 days!!!! I know this does not sound like a lot (or a big deal for many) but before October 10, 2012 I could not remember the last time I had this many days sober. It is truly a Miraculous feeling. I have had more energy, I can get more things done (except homework), I can think clearly and I feel extremely confident about myself. I view myself as a virtual powerhouse of progress and believe that I only have UP to go from here.
I have been in this situation before, and I am desperate to hold onto it. I have promised myself time and time and TIME again that I will not get "Hung Up" on the days... because in essence they are not what matters. My health, well being and happiness are what matters most to me.
In my time of clear mindedness I have decided that it is time to set some goals for myself. They do not all relate to exercise or diet, but they are all things that I feel are pertinent to my recovery and my well being.
1. Start my day with TEA instead of COFFEE. Being sick last week meant that I could ONLY drink tea, and I forgot how much I love doing it. In the summer months it is just too hot so it sorta feel by the wayside. I also have a HORRIBLE coffee addiction that needs to be tamed. I am setting a goal to add more tea (which means good antioxidants and yummy water) to my week. At least 5 days a week I am going to start my day with tea instead of coffee.
2. Attend at least one OA meeting a week. In the past I have always tried to manage my recovery on my own. A famous "Genius" once said, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Ultimately, this means that it is time for me to TRY SOMETHING NEW. It was recently pointed out to me that I am the textbook definition of an extrovert, meaning that I feed off the presence and relationship of others (ok... so maybe that's not textbook, but you get the idea). Bulimia and other Eating Disorders are very introverted and isolative diseases... so it would seem that the best way to combat them would be in the strength of others. I have contemplated going to OA meetings before and have always managed to shy away. I believe that it is time for me be face my fear and just GO! The worst that could happen is that I make some friends along the way.
3. Add more quality exercise to my week. From now on I am not setting myself up with crazy ridiculous running goals. I am just going to aim to run for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week. I am also going to take the month of December off from racing in order to rebuild my running strength. Taking as much time off as I did has left me feeling as though I am back at square one... So that is where I am going to start :)
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Break, and that you are rested, relaxed and ready to take on the Christmas Holiday :)
I am proud to say that since my recent difficulties with my mother I have (yet again) turned over a new leaf and have been sober (aka binge and purge free) for 5 days!!!! I know this does not sound like a lot (or a big deal for many) but before October 10, 2012 I could not remember the last time I had this many days sober. It is truly a Miraculous feeling. I have had more energy, I can get more things done (except homework), I can think clearly and I feel extremely confident about myself. I view myself as a virtual powerhouse of progress and believe that I only have UP to go from here.
I have been in this situation before, and I am desperate to hold onto it. I have promised myself time and time and TIME again that I will not get "Hung Up" on the days... because in essence they are not what matters. My health, well being and happiness are what matters most to me.
In my time of clear mindedness I have decided that it is time to set some goals for myself. They do not all relate to exercise or diet, but they are all things that I feel are pertinent to my recovery and my well being.
1. Start my day with TEA instead of COFFEE. Being sick last week meant that I could ONLY drink tea, and I forgot how much I love doing it. In the summer months it is just too hot so it sorta feel by the wayside. I also have a HORRIBLE coffee addiction that needs to be tamed. I am setting a goal to add more tea (which means good antioxidants and yummy water) to my week. At least 5 days a week I am going to start my day with tea instead of coffee.
2. Attend at least one OA meeting a week. In the past I have always tried to manage my recovery on my own. A famous "Genius" once said, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
 |
| Photo Credit: timettokickbutts.com |
3. Add more quality exercise to my week. From now on I am not setting myself up with crazy ridiculous running goals. I am just going to aim to run for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week. I am also going to take the month of December off from racing in order to rebuild my running strength. Taking as much time off as I did has left me feeling as though I am back at square one... So that is where I am going to start :)
| Photo Credit: Susan-lifetwo.blogspot.com
These are my starting points... and there is only up to go from here. I'm finished with my morning class and going to enjoy an afternoon run around campus.
Happy Tuesday Everyone!
|
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thankful Thanksgiving
Wow, I can't believe that I have been out of commission for over a month. A lot has happened in the very short amount of time... and many of it was not good.
My mother was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer on October 10, and was rushed in to surgery on Saturday the 13th. It was as if my world stopped. I wanted nothing but to spend as much time as possible in the hospital with my mother. I gave everything in my life the bare minimum for the following week, and in some cases, not even that. She was in the hospital for 10 days, and has been in recovery since. She began chemo before she left the hospital, and has at least 5 more rounds to go.
Mom is healing fairly well, and slowly but surely I am returning to a sense of normalcy. I've missed two races, and have decided not to compete in my first Marathon on December 26th, because my mom is going in for her 3rd round of chemo on that day. I haven't been able to be there for her as much as I would like to because of all my commitments, but I feel it is only right that I not run it. I'm going to request that my bib be given to someone else, or ask for my position to be held until the 2013 race, but we will see how it goes.
This last month and a half has been really tough for me, and in many ways I have completely shut down. Stress at home, stress from school, and stress from all of my relationships began to overwhelm me. I stopped running because I didn't have time, I stopped writing for the same reason and diet took a trip out the window. All my free moments went to my mother, or resting to keep up my strengths for all of my other responsibilities. There were quite a few times that I felt absolutely hopeless. I couldn't even stay strong for the woman who needed me most :/
I have been battling a cold for the past week and haven't been doing much running... so I decided not to compete in the Topanga Turkey Trot 15k this morning. Instead, I decided to take a nice smaller run around my neighborhood, and really reflect on all the things that I have to be thankful for.
I am thankful for the health and wellness of my family, even if it is not quite at an ideal level. I know that This is just a little blip in the road for our family and we are all going to become stronger for it.
I am thankful for the wonderful education that I am receiving at UCLA. Sometimes the school work becomes stressful, and I do not always agree with the "process" that everyone keeps telling me to trust, but I know that this is where I am suppose to be.
I am thankful for the strength and guidance of my Grandmother. She truly is my rock, and without her I would be completely lost. I hope that one day I can be half the woman that she is.
I am thankful for all of the wonderful opportunities that I have had this year, even if I haven't been able to fully appreciate or take advantage of them.
I am thankful for my ability to adapt, adjust, and move forward. I know that these last few months have not worked out quite the way I would like them too, but I am learning that this is not always a bad thing.
Finally, I am thankful that it is never too late to make a change.
I'm hoping to be able to start updating more, to start some different running challenges, and to get back in touch with my basics. I hope you decide to come along with me :)
My mother was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer on October 10, and was rushed in to surgery on Saturday the 13th. It was as if my world stopped. I wanted nothing but to spend as much time as possible in the hospital with my mother. I gave everything in my life the bare minimum for the following week, and in some cases, not even that. She was in the hospital for 10 days, and has been in recovery since. She began chemo before she left the hospital, and has at least 5 more rounds to go.
Mom is healing fairly well, and slowly but surely I am returning to a sense of normalcy. I've missed two races, and have decided not to compete in my first Marathon on December 26th, because my mom is going in for her 3rd round of chemo on that day. I haven't been able to be there for her as much as I would like to because of all my commitments, but I feel it is only right that I not run it. I'm going to request that my bib be given to someone else, or ask for my position to be held until the 2013 race, but we will see how it goes.
This last month and a half has been really tough for me, and in many ways I have completely shut down. Stress at home, stress from school, and stress from all of my relationships began to overwhelm me. I stopped running because I didn't have time, I stopped writing for the same reason and diet took a trip out the window. All my free moments went to my mother, or resting to keep up my strengths for all of my other responsibilities. There were quite a few times that I felt absolutely hopeless. I couldn't even stay strong for the woman who needed me most :/
I have been battling a cold for the past week and haven't been doing much running... so I decided not to compete in the Topanga Turkey Trot 15k this morning. Instead, I decided to take a nice smaller run around my neighborhood, and really reflect on all the things that I have to be thankful for.
I am thankful for the health and wellness of my family, even if it is not quite at an ideal level. I know that This is just a little blip in the road for our family and we are all going to become stronger for it.
I am thankful for the wonderful education that I am receiving at UCLA. Sometimes the school work becomes stressful, and I do not always agree with the "process" that everyone keeps telling me to trust, but I know that this is where I am suppose to be.
I am thankful for the strength and guidance of my Grandmother. She truly is my rock, and without her I would be completely lost. I hope that one day I can be half the woman that she is.
I am thankful for all of the wonderful opportunities that I have had this year, even if I haven't been able to fully appreciate or take advantage of them.
I am thankful for my ability to adapt, adjust, and move forward. I know that these last few months have not worked out quite the way I would like them too, but I am learning that this is not always a bad thing.
Finally, I am thankful that it is never too late to make a change.
I'm hoping to be able to start updating more, to start some different running challenges, and to get back in touch with my basics. I hope you decide to come along with me :)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Once Upon a Tuesday...
Greetings and Salutations!!!
I am so happy to say that I am updating my blog from the comfort of my own bed :) For whatever reason, I was VERY exhausted today, and found it nearly impossible to get out of my sleepy phase.
It might have something to do with the fact that yesterday was Columbus Day and I had it off, so it KINDA felt like a Monday.
The fact that it was actually a Tuesday, meant that I had to be in school all day :(. Before Class started, I went and picked up my Fitness Pass from the UCLA recreation center so that I could begin taking the group exercise classes :) I was hoping to take advantage of the spin class today... but my timing was off all day! I did manage to find a spin class bike though, that had pre recorded Spinning Classes on it, so you could follow the instructor. I did that for 35 minutes, and then milled around the weights for a bit. I did all shoulders and chest, because I have 45 minutes of hill repeats to do tomorrow (my Favorite.... NOT!!!)
I'm not sure how everyone else feels, but after I do a long run, I am always INSATIABLE the following day. After lunch, it felt like I got hungry every 30 minutes or so. Thank God I had this GIANT orange I grabbed as a last minute thought this morning.
Getting home late also did not help my hunger. I'm trying to be very conscious of my "true" hunger feelings to try to avoid a binge. I think I've done pretty well so far, but I still ave a long way to go.
After a long day of class, I am now enjoying some mindless television :). Law and Order: SVU... what would I do without you. I also have an Episode of Once Upon A Time that I can't wait to watch.
I am so happy to say that I am updating my blog from the comfort of my own bed :) For whatever reason, I was VERY exhausted today, and found it nearly impossible to get out of my sleepy phase.
It might have something to do with the fact that yesterday was Columbus Day and I had it off, so it KINDA felt like a Monday.
 |
| If you don't find this cute... you have issues!!! |
I'm not sure how everyone else feels, but after I do a long run, I am always INSATIABLE the following day. After lunch, it felt like I got hungry every 30 minutes or so. Thank God I had this GIANT orange I grabbed as a last minute thought this morning.
 |
| Biggest orange in the world!!! |
After a long day of class, I am now enjoying some mindless television :). Law and Order: SVU... what would I do without you. I also have an Episode of Once Upon A Time that I can't wait to watch.
If you haven't seen it... please do. I HIGHLY recommend it. Well, that is if you like fairy tales, amazing story lines, and fantastic costuming :)
Monday, October 8, 2012
My New Training Partner
Greetings My Fabulous Readers!!!
I feel like so many things have happened over the last few days and I don't know where to begin. Well, I guess first and foremost, I can start with the fact that I am healthy and happy today (yay!). My cravings have been getting less and less, and my confidence and strength has been growing.
I did not do so well on my Goals for this past week, although, I did manage to do yoga twice this week, I walked the perimeter on Tuesday of this week (Sorry Thursday!!!), as far as not checking social media sites... it was pretty much a FAIL! I DID advocate for myself at my internship, and I am hoping that the changes I requested to happen. I think I made a HUGE improvement regarding eating when I'm hungry, verses eating when my "3 hour time limit" has been reaches. However, I think it could use some work, so it is going to be goal #1 for the Week of October 8-14.
1. I am going to stop counting hours, and start relying on my hunger signals to tell me when I am hungry.
2. I am going to try and catch up on my school reading. I feel like health wise I am doing VERY well, but I feel like my educational life is starting to slip :/. I haven't really been able to switch my brain over to "Graduate Student" mode. This week, I really want to get on that!
3. Compete in the AIDS Run/Walk :)... possibly hit a PR of under 26 minutes(?!?!?!)
4. I WILL make Black Bean Soup this Friday!!!
5. Continue with my twice weekly yoga :)
Today, I have the "End of a Monday" Blues!!!
I was lucky enough to have today off from my internship, so I decided to make up my 13 mile run Iavoided slept through on Saturday. Today was a very different run than most of my long runs, because I was joined by my good (and fairly new) friend, Sederia, and her wonderful beach cruiser.
I don't think I have ever had so much fun doing a 13 mile run. Sederia has just started working out/training with me and she has been such a good trainer. She was not quite ready to run a 13 miler with me, so she offered to ride her bike while I ran. This actually ended up being a really help through my run today :) We started out strong, she pushed me when I needed it, and helped me finish out with under a 9 minute mile average.
The weather was also perfect! It was overcast and cool all morning until about the last 20 minutes of the run. We're suppose to have weather like this all week, which makes me VERY excited. Cloudy weather is my favorite to run in.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing and making shirts with Sederia for the AIDS Walk that's on Sunday.
Yesterday (Sunday), we took the residents at work to the California Science Center in Downtown LA. We had a really good time, and I really enjoyed the Kelp Bed exhibit. Please enjoy the pictures :)
I feel like so many things have happened over the last few days and I don't know where to begin. Well, I guess first and foremost, I can start with the fact that I am healthy and happy today (yay!). My cravings have been getting less and less, and my confidence and strength has been growing.
I did not do so well on my Goals for this past week, although, I did manage to do yoga twice this week, I walked the perimeter on Tuesday of this week (Sorry Thursday!!!), as far as not checking social media sites... it was pretty much a FAIL! I DID advocate for myself at my internship, and I am hoping that the changes I requested to happen. I think I made a HUGE improvement regarding eating when I'm hungry, verses eating when my "3 hour time limit" has been reaches. However, I think it could use some work, so it is going to be goal #1 for the Week of October 8-14.
Goals For The Week!
1. I am going to stop counting hours, and start relying on my hunger signals to tell me when I am hungry.
2. I am going to try and catch up on my school reading. I feel like health wise I am doing VERY well, but I feel like my educational life is starting to slip :/. I haven't really been able to switch my brain over to "Graduate Student" mode. This week, I really want to get on that!
3. Compete in the AIDS Run/Walk :)... possibly hit a PR of under 26 minutes(?!?!?!)
4. I WILL make Black Bean Soup this Friday!!!
5. Continue with my twice weekly yoga :)
Today, I have the "End of a Monday" Blues!!!
I was lucky enough to have today off from my internship, so I decided to make up my 13 mile run I
 |
| Sederia and her bike |
I don't think I have ever had so much fun doing a 13 mile run. Sederia has just started working out/training with me and she has been such a good trainer. She was not quite ready to run a 13 miler with me, so she offered to ride her bike while I ran. This actually ended up being a really help through my run today :) We started out strong, she pushed me when I needed it, and helped me finish out with under a 9 minute mile average.
The weather was also perfect! It was overcast and cool all morning until about the last 20 minutes of the run. We're suppose to have weather like this all week, which makes me VERY excited. Cloudy weather is my favorite to run in.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing and making shirts with Sederia for the AIDS Walk that's on Sunday.
Yesterday (Sunday), we took the residents at work to the California Science Center in Downtown LA. We had a really good time, and I really enjoyed the Kelp Bed exhibit. Please enjoy the pictures :)
In other (random news)... I signed up for another 5k run next month :). UCLA and USC are having a rivalry race to help raise money for the 2014 Special Olympics!!! I figure, you can always use another 5k in your life, especially when it's for a good cause :)
Do you have any goals for the week?!
What is your favorite thing about museums?!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Emotional Roller Coaster And a Victory
Oh, What a Happy Saturday...Well... Kinda.
This is a fair warning that this is not going to be the most positive post that I've ever written. Yesterday was a really hard day for me and my family, and I haven't completely recovered from the day.
I found out yesterday that my mother has 4 large tumors on her uterus that are all much larger than the whole size of her actual uterus. The doctor is recommending that she has a full hysterectomy to remove it, because there is a 20% chance that it could be cancerous. This also means that she is going to have to be on disability/bed rest for 6-8 weeks.
Now, before everyone gets crazy: YES, I know that 20% is not a big deal, and YES, I know that this is the 2nd most common surgery performed on women and YES, I do know that my mother is going to be OK...
That does not mean that this isn't a scary, frustrating, and emotional experience for the both of us. My mother is the most precious thing in the world to me, and the thought of her being scared and in pain makes me extremely sad. I felt guilty because I was out at a rehearsal, and my mom was home without me. I wanted to be there for her, and I felt like I was being so selfish. She told me she was going to try to go to bed early, but that still did not put my mind at ease.
Once I got this news yesterday evening, the rest of my night sort of went down hill from there. Tyler tried to take me to get some frozen yogurt at Yogurtland... but even that was a disaster. I wanted to mix their new pumpkin pie flavor with cheesecake and coconut. Go figure... they were ALL OUT OF PUMPKIN PIE!!! I was so upset, that I purposely did not want to take a picture of it for you guys. I quickly (and emotionally) inhaled, scarfed down, dissatisfyingly ate my container of frozen yogurt. I spent another hour with Tyler before I sent myself home for the night.
The old Christina's thoughts started getting in to my head. "You can just go home and find something else to eat that will satisfy you more than that frozen yogurt did". "It's almost 12:00am, no one will know that you were up late and eating". "I'm pretty sure you left some ice cream hidden in the back of the freezer for just this kind of emergency.... Wouldn't that go great with some Eggo Waffles and Peanut Butter?!?!" "You're going to feel so much better if you just eat something and go to sleep."
I drove home with tears in my eyes, a knot in my throat, and a swirl of CRAP going on in my head. It took every part of my will power to combat the irrational thoughts that were going on in my head. The new Christina fought as hard as she could with thoughts like, "Eating when you get home is not going to make you feel any better about what is happening with your mother.", "The Ice Cream, Waffles and Peanut Butter are not going to make Mom's tumors go away". "How much is it going to mess up your run tomorrow morning if you eat all of that shit tonight?!?!"
I'm not sure if it was a sign from my higher power, or if it was myself, but when I got home my Mom and Ray were awake. I came in, gave my mom the biggest hug I could muster up, put my stuff away in the kitchen and went to bed. I made it through yet another night without giving in to evil voice that still rents a space in my head.
After everything yesterday, I could not manage to get out of bed any earlier than 9:30am this morning. I was suppose to either a) Go to the NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) benefit walk at 10am this morning on 3rd street, or run 13 miles today for Marathon Training week 4. As you can imagine, waking up at 9:30, does not really make either of those activities possible. I was starting to beat myself up a bit for bailing on both commitments, and was almost going to remain in bed even longer when I told myself, "You know what? You can't always do it all."
I managed to get out of bed, and took myself for a long run to help get my body moving, and try to clear my head. I ran 7 miles in a little over 60 minutes and I must say, I felt a lot better. My internship was cancelled for Monday, so I am going to move my long run to that morning.
I may not have been able to do all of the things I wanted to do today, but I had to make adjustments to try to take care of myself. Yesterday was physically and emotionally exhausting, and I owed it to myself to just let go of this one. This is a new concept that I am still learning, but I think it is going to be invaluable to me throughout the remainder of my recovery.
After my run, I make myself a Chocolate, Peanut Butter Pumpkin Pie Smoothie. I added:
1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk (Trader Joe's)
1/4 cup of pumpkin puree
1/4 cup of rolled oats
1 tbsp of natural peanut butter
A couple dashes of cinnamon
A squeeze of honey
A couple mouthfuls of chocolate muscle milk lite
It was pretty good, and hit the spot. It could have used a little more pumpkin, but then again, when can anything not use a little more pumpkin?!?!
Now I'm relaxing before I have to go to work for the evening.
Have you ever had to deal with a stressful surgery, or watched a family member go through one?!?!
How did you cope?!?!
This is a fair warning that this is not going to be the most positive post that I've ever written. Yesterday was a really hard day for me and my family, and I haven't completely recovered from the day.
I found out yesterday that my mother has 4 large tumors on her uterus that are all much larger than the whole size of her actual uterus. The doctor is recommending that she has a full hysterectomy to remove it, because there is a 20% chance that it could be cancerous. This also means that she is going to have to be on disability/bed rest for 6-8 weeks.
Now, before everyone gets crazy: YES, I know that 20% is not a big deal, and YES, I know that this is the 2nd most common surgery performed on women and YES, I do know that my mother is going to be OK...
That does not mean that this isn't a scary, frustrating, and emotional experience for the both of us. My mother is the most precious thing in the world to me, and the thought of her being scared and in pain makes me extremely sad. I felt guilty because I was out at a rehearsal, and my mom was home without me. I wanted to be there for her, and I felt like I was being so selfish. She told me she was going to try to go to bed early, but that still did not put my mind at ease.
Once I got this news yesterday evening, the rest of my night sort of went down hill from there. Tyler tried to take me to get some frozen yogurt at Yogurtland... but even that was a disaster. I wanted to mix their new pumpkin pie flavor with cheesecake and coconut. Go figure... they were ALL OUT OF PUMPKIN PIE!!! I was so upset, that I purposely did not want to take a picture of it for you guys. I quickly (and emotionally)
The old Christina's thoughts started getting in to my head. "You can just go home and find something else to eat that will satisfy you more than that frozen yogurt did". "It's almost 12:00am, no one will know that you were up late and eating". "I'm pretty sure you left some ice cream hidden in the back of the freezer for just this kind of emergency.... Wouldn't that go great with some Eggo Waffles and Peanut Butter?!?!" "You're going to feel so much better if you just eat something and go to sleep."
I drove home with tears in my eyes, a knot in my throat, and a swirl of CRAP going on in my head. It took every part of my will power to combat the irrational thoughts that were going on in my head. The new Christina fought as hard as she could with thoughts like, "Eating when you get home is not going to make you feel any better about what is happening with your mother.", "The Ice Cream, Waffles and Peanut Butter are not going to make Mom's tumors go away". "How much is it going to mess up your run tomorrow morning if you eat all of that shit tonight?!?!"
I'm not sure if it was a sign from my higher power, or if it was myself, but when I got home my Mom and Ray were awake. I came in, gave my mom the biggest hug I could muster up, put my stuff away in the kitchen and went to bed. I made it through yet another night without giving in to evil voice that still rents a space in my head.
After everything yesterday, I could not manage to get out of bed any earlier than 9:30am this morning. I was suppose to either a) Go to the NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) benefit walk at 10am this morning on 3rd street, or run 13 miles today for Marathon Training week 4. As you can imagine, waking up at 9:30, does not really make either of those activities possible. I was starting to beat myself up a bit for bailing on both commitments, and was almost going to remain in bed even longer when I told myself, "You know what? You can't always do it all."
I managed to get out of bed, and took myself for a long run to help get my body moving, and try to clear my head. I ran 7 miles in a little over 60 minutes and I must say, I felt a lot better. My internship was cancelled for Monday, so I am going to move my long run to that morning.
I may not have been able to do all of the things I wanted to do today, but I had to make adjustments to try to take care of myself. Yesterday was physically and emotionally exhausting, and I owed it to myself to just let go of this one. This is a new concept that I am still learning, but I think it is going to be invaluable to me throughout the remainder of my recovery.
After my run, I make myself a Chocolate, Peanut Butter Pumpkin Pie Smoothie. I added:
1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk (Trader Joe's)
1/4 cup of pumpkin puree
1/4 cup of rolled oats
1 tbsp of natural peanut butter
A couple dashes of cinnamon
A squeeze of honey
A couple mouthfuls of chocolate muscle milk lite
It was pretty good, and hit the spot. It could have used a little more pumpkin, but then again, when can anything not use a little more pumpkin?!?!
Now I'm relaxing before I have to go to work for the evening.
Have you ever had to deal with a stressful surgery, or watched a family member go through one?!?!
How did you cope?!?!
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Three Things Thursday
Howdy Everyone!!!
I'm pretty exhausted getting use to my schedule so this is going to be a quick Three Things.
1. I am super grateful for teachers who cancel classes. As I was driving to school, I checked my email on my iphone and found out that my teacher cancelled our class :) I had completely mixed feelings about this. #1... I was up at 5:50am, and I really could have used more sleep #2 I really like this professor, and was really looking forward to this lecture. #3 I got to use my time wisely and went running at the park #4 I still had to go to school for my 2:00pm class.
2. I'm truly grateful for my mental and physical health right now. The last few weeks have been really tough, but I have been holding in stronger than ever with my recovery and I am planning to continue on this route. I don't know the actual date that I got sober again, and I am actually really happy with that thought. Other times that I focused on the date, I eventually ended in relapse. I think the anticipation of "Anniversaries" and adding days was just too overwhelming for em. Without knowing the day, I get to take my sobriety just One day at a Time.
3. Today Marks the beginning of Day 1, of Week 4. It was a beautiful 60 minute run, in overcast weather first thing in the morning. I cant believe that I am already 1/5 of the way done with training. That might not seem like much... but I'm just so excited, and I cant wait to get to the end of this process.
To be honest, this is probably the format my blog is going to e taking for awhile. I'm getting behind on my school reading (and sleep) and I will only be updating when I really have time. I'm sorry for those of you that actually read this... but I think the person it is hurting the most is me :/
Keep Checking Back. You never know when I might say something good.
I'm pretty exhausted getting use to my schedule so this is going to be a quick Three Things.
1. I am super grateful for teachers who cancel classes. As I was driving to school, I checked my email on my iphone and found out that my teacher cancelled our class :) I had completely mixed feelings about this. #1... I was up at 5:50am, and I really could have used more sleep #2 I really like this professor, and was really looking forward to this lecture. #3 I got to use my time wisely and went running at the park #4 I still had to go to school for my 2:00pm class.
2. I'm truly grateful for my mental and physical health right now. The last few weeks have been really tough, but I have been holding in stronger than ever with my recovery and I am planning to continue on this route. I don't know the actual date that I got sober again, and I am actually really happy with that thought. Other times that I focused on the date, I eventually ended in relapse. I think the anticipation of "Anniversaries" and adding days was just too overwhelming for em. Without knowing the day, I get to take my sobriety just One day at a Time.
3. Today Marks the beginning of Day 1, of Week 4. It was a beautiful 60 minute run, in overcast weather first thing in the morning. I cant believe that I am already 1/5 of the way done with training. That might not seem like much... but I'm just so excited, and I cant wait to get to the end of this process.
To be honest, this is probably the format my blog is going to e taking for awhile. I'm getting behind on my school reading (and sleep) and I will only be updating when I really have time. I'm sorry for those of you that actually read this... but I think the person it is hurting the most is me :/
Keep Checking Back. You never know when I might say something good.
Manic Monday!
Hi Everyone.
Today was a really long day, but it was pretty good. It started with a nice 30 minute easy run this morning. One of my colleagues from my internship mentioned that she wanted to start getting into the habit of working out again, so I invited her along. Normally I avoid letting people run with me (I'm self conscious and sort of a control freak when it comes to my runs), but I really like Sederia, and I thought that it might be nice to have someone join me. I get really anxious and upset if I don't get to finish a workout the way I planned it, and it has been my experience that often, working out with a friend ends in me frustrated and upset.
I'm really glad that I made that decision, and that Sederia followed through and showed up at to my house at 6:15am. I didn't get to run my normal route, but I was ok with it. She was really understanding about me wanting to do my training, and was ok if I ran a bit ahead of her. I usually circled back so that she didn't get lost :). When Sederia left I did some upper arms yoga to make for a well rounded work out.
I wont bore you with the details of how my internship went, but lets just say that it ended with a very uncomfortable home visit to my client's house. My client and her mother have a very volatile relationship, and It made me very thankful for the relationship that I have with my mother. (Thank You mom, I Love you).
Later that evening, I went with Sederia to an AA meeting. No, we're not alcoholics, she was doing an assignment for school. Sitting in the meeting got me thinking about some of my own triggers that challenge me in my own recovery.
Obviously, there are certain foods that are just immediate triggers for me. Pretty much anything in the Delicious Dessert category is bound to send me into a binge. This is something that I really want to work on, especially since the holidays are coming up. There will be more to come on how I plan on tackling this task.
Stress, is another big and unavoidable trigger for me. I think I've gotten a pretty good hold on my stress triggers lately. When ever I start craving foods, I usually try to check in to what is going on externally that may be affecting it.
One of my major triggers for a binge/purge is waiting until the point of starvation to eat. If I know I am not going to be home for the majority of a day (which happens frequently), I usually do my best to try and prepare PLENTY of meals and snacks to take with me. Sometimes things just don't work out, and before I know it, I'm starving!!! Lately I have been catching myself doing this more and more. I need to start paying more attention and having more easy to eat snacks handy for such moments.
Do you have any triggers?! How do you try to avoid them?!
Today was a really long day, but it was pretty good. It started with a nice 30 minute easy run this morning. One of my colleagues from my internship mentioned that she wanted to start getting into the habit of working out again, so I invited her along. Normally I avoid letting people run with me (I'm self conscious and sort of a control freak when it comes to my runs), but I really like Sederia, and I thought that it might be nice to have someone join me. I get really anxious and upset if I don't get to finish a workout the way I planned it, and it has been my experience that often, working out with a friend ends in me frustrated and upset.
I'm really glad that I made that decision, and that Sederia followed through and showed up at to my house at 6:15am. I didn't get to run my normal route, but I was ok with it. She was really understanding about me wanting to do my training, and was ok if I ran a bit ahead of her. I usually circled back so that she didn't get lost :). When Sederia left I did some upper arms yoga to make for a well rounded work out.
I wont bore you with the details of how my internship went, but lets just say that it ended with a very uncomfortable home visit to my client's house. My client and her mother have a very volatile relationship, and It made me very thankful for the relationship that I have with my mother. (Thank You mom, I Love you).
Later that evening, I went with Sederia to an AA meeting. No, we're not alcoholics, she was doing an assignment for school. Sitting in the meeting got me thinking about some of my own triggers that challenge me in my own recovery.
Obviously, there are certain foods that are just immediate triggers for me. Pretty much anything in the Delicious Dessert category is bound to send me into a binge. This is something that I really want to work on, especially since the holidays are coming up. There will be more to come on how I plan on tackling this task.
Stress, is another big and unavoidable trigger for me. I think I've gotten a pretty good hold on my stress triggers lately. When ever I start craving foods, I usually try to check in to what is going on externally that may be affecting it.
One of my major triggers for a binge/purge is waiting until the point of starvation to eat. If I know I am not going to be home for the majority of a day (which happens frequently), I usually do my best to try and prepare PLENTY of meals and snacks to take with me. Sometimes things just don't work out, and before I know it, I'm starving!!! Lately I have been catching myself doing this more and more. I need to start paying more attention and having more easy to eat snacks handy for such moments.
Do you have any triggers?! How do you try to avoid them?!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
My Goals for the Week of October 1-7, 2012
"Persistence Is Vital
Victories and setbacks must be understood in the context
of a struggle that may extend beyond the lives of
those involved at any given time."
I found this quote in one of my reading assignments for school this week. I have a feeling that I am going to be coming across quite a bit of relevant recovery material all throughout the next two years of this educational process. I am constantly reminded that this is a lifelong process, and it is only going to get better with persistence and acceptance of both the victories AND the setbacks.
Today, I am proud of yet another Victory I gained today. Last night when I was leaving work, I was in a very heated mood. I got into an unnecessary argument with one of my co workers (his fault, not mine) and it left me with a VERY bitter taste in my mouth. Driving home, all I could think about was how angry I was and that fact that I had no one to vent my frustrations to... Naturally, I wanted to quench my feelings with food. I almost caught myself going to the kitchen, but I fought it off and finally managed to fall asleep.
I woke up this morning, feeling a little irritable (lack of good sleep, woke up with a horrible knot in my shoulder, etc.). But I tried my best to turn it around. I started my day with a random, but delicious breakfast of Eggo's Pumpkin Spice Waffles, a banana, honey and some egg whites. It was delicious and kept me feeling full for most of the day.
 |
| Yuuummm... |
Spending the day with THIS handsome fella helped cure my bad mood
 |
| Not taken today :( |
I spent the rest of the day thinking about Goals. I set some for myself last week, and achieved the majority of them. I really like the way I did it, and I think it is going to become a regular part of my Sunday. So, I came up with a few goals for this week.
Goals for the Week!!!
1. I am going to do yoga at least twice. (same goal as last week)
2. I am going to walk the perimeter of campus during my lunch breaks on both Tuesday and Thursday
3. Stop checking my cell phone and Facebook too often throughout the day-especially in class. ( My addiction is getting Scary... I may need an intervention soon.)
4. Focus on advocating for myself at my internship and not avoiding confrontation.
5. Try to start eating when I am hungry, as opposed to by time increments. I have a tendency obsession to count out 3 hour intervals between meals (1.5 hours between a meal and a snack), and don't let myself eat until that time has passed. I think this is a really dumb habit of mine, and I want to try to break myself of it.
It may not sound like there are HUGE goals... but trust me, they are.
As you reflect on the week, what are some of your goals?!?!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
A Big Run and a New Recipe
Happy Saturday!!!
I remember being a kid, and being so excited for it to be a Saturday. As an adult, I'm not so sure I'm quite as excited... but I can say that I do some exciting things with my weekend.
I went to bed early last night, and am so thankful that I did. I went out with a couple of my colleagues for dinnerand drinks last night at Red Robin's. I knew I had a 10 mile run this morning, so I didn't want to over do it with dinner and drinks. I stuck with a water and their veggie burger and ordered broccoli on the side to substitute my fries. The burger was delicious!!! It had huge pieces of grilled squash and caramelized onions. I didn't eat the entire pattie, or most of the bun, but I was able to stay full for the rest of the evening.
Night time is when I usually deal with my most intense cravings, and last night was no exception. When i got home, I had visions of eating ice cream, pumpkin waffles, and even Popsicles. I knew I wasn't hungry, and I knew that having one snack could lead me to a binge, so I stayed in my bed and just tried to put myself to sleep.
My cravings were so strong, and I even had dreams about binging. I'm not sure if anyone else does this, but I've heard of drug addicts having the same type of issues. The problem is that they are so strong, and real, that you sometimes wake up feeling like you really did do it.
Thankfully, I woke up with no guiLty feelings (like I have before), and was ready to get my 10 mile run on. I ate a banana and some raisins and took one of my Shotbloks for pre-run fuel.
When I got to the park there were TONS of people there. Apparently everyone wanted to take advantage of the gorgeous weather (and the fact that the freeways are shut down for Carmageddon). Initially, I was hesitant and almost talked myself into going home... but I'm glad that I stuck it out and forced myself to stay. The groups that I feared the most, actually ended up being the reason I finished my run.
El Camino Real High School's track team was having a practice there, and so was team in training. At one point, I was able to use them as my own pacers during the run. To be honest, they pushed me pretty hard through miles 4-8.
I made sure I fueled throughout the run, even though it wasn't THAT hot. The only problem is... I've already lost a top to one of my fuel belt bottles :(. I've only had it for like 3 weeks!!! it worked though, I didn't need everything I brought with me.
Anyways, I finished my run strong and actually ended up running almost 10.5 miles :) I was pretty tired though. It's hard to believe that at some point, I'm going to have to run more than twice that!!! But, just like my recovery, I need to take it one run at a time.
On the drive home I had some chocolate mil and as soon as I got home, I made Pumpkin Oatmeal Pancakes. I got the recipe from a blog I follow called Kath Eats Real Food, but I made a couple changes. The recipe called for:
1/4 cup oats
1/4 cup pumpkin
1/4 cup egg whites
1 tsb cinnamon
1 tsb baking powder
1 tsb vanilla
I added:
1 tbsp slivered almonds
and roughly an 1/8 cup of almond milk.
OMG... were these good! Instead of using syrup, I used just a spoonful of honey (although, I probably could have used 2). Also, I think using a tsp of cinnamon was a bit much for me, so next time, I think I'm going to use a 1/2 tsp.
Now, I'm spending the rest of the afternoon catching up on blogs and updating my own (duh) before I have to go to work.
I remember being a kid, and being so excited for it to be a Saturday. As an adult, I'm not so sure I'm quite as excited... but I can say that I do some exciting things with my weekend.
I went to bed early last night, and am so thankful that I did. I went out with a couple of my colleagues for dinner
Night time is when I usually deal with my most intense cravings, and last night was no exception. When i got home, I had visions of eating ice cream, pumpkin waffles, and even Popsicles. I knew I wasn't hungry, and I knew that having one snack could lead me to a binge, so I stayed in my bed and just tried to put myself to sleep.
My cravings were so strong, and I even had dreams about binging. I'm not sure if anyone else does this, but I've heard of drug addicts having the same type of issues. The problem is that they are so strong, and real, that you sometimes wake up feeling like you really did do it.
 |
| Credits: http://www.travelingfeast.net/tag/food-dreams/
|
When I got to the park there were TONS of people there. Apparently everyone wanted to take advantage of the gorgeous weather (and the fact that the freeways are shut down for Carmageddon). Initially, I was hesitant and almost talked myself into going home... but I'm glad that I stuck it out and forced myself to stay. The groups that I feared the most, actually ended up being the reason I finished my run.
El Camino Real High School's track team was having a practice there, and so was team in training. At one point, I was able to use them as my own pacers during the run. To be honest, they pushed me pretty hard through miles 4-8.
I made sure I fueled throughout the run, even though it wasn't THAT hot. The only problem is... I've already lost a top to one of my fuel belt bottles :(. I've only had it for like 3 weeks!!! it worked though, I didn't need everything I brought with me.
Anyways, I finished my run strong and actually ended up running almost 10.5 miles :) I was pretty tired though. It's hard to believe that at some point, I'm going to have to run more than twice that!!! But, just like my recovery, I need to take it one run at a time.
On the drive home I had some chocolate mil and as soon as I got home, I made Pumpkin Oatmeal Pancakes. I got the recipe from a blog I follow called Kath Eats Real Food, but I made a couple changes. The recipe called for:
 |
| They cooked so fast!
|
1/4 cup pumpkin
1/4 cup egg whites
1 tsb cinnamon
1 tsb baking powder
1 tsb vanilla
I added:
1 tbsp slivered almonds
and roughly an 1/8 cup of almond milk.
 |
| They may not look like much, but MMmmm! |
OMG... were these good! Instead of using syrup, I used just a spoonful of honey (although, I probably could have used 2). Also, I think using a tsp of cinnamon was a bit much for me, so next time, I think I'm going to use a 1/2 tsp.
Now, I'm spending the rest of the afternoon catching up on blogs and updating my own (duh) before I have to go to work.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Toughing It Up!!!!
Happy Thursday!!!
I am beginning to write this blog from my first class as a Graduate MSW student as UCLA!!! (are you as excited as I am?!?!). My teacher is running late (on the first day... tsk tsk tsk), so I decided to take this opportunity and begin to update my blog.
Up until last night, I don't think that I was really THAT nervous about starting graduate school. But, I guess you're really never to old to have those "First day of school jitters". When I finally made it to bed, which was just before 11:30pm, I found my self trapped in a vortex of negative thoughts. It began as it always does....
"What if I sleep through my alarm?" "What if there's a huge accident on the freeway?!" "What if I'm late for class?" "What if the teacher asks me a question and I don't have the answer, because I didn't do the reading?" "What if I get arrested for not doing my homework?!" (this was an actual thought) "Why didn't I do the reading?!" "I'm a horrible graduate student, and school hasn't even really begun yet." "Maybe I'm not ready to be in Graduate school." "What if I fail all my tests and I have to drop out?!" "What if I never get to become a social worker and I'm forced to go work at Chili's again?!"
.... I think you guys have had enough of my ranting. As you can imagine this went on for quite awhile. Somewhere in there, I actually did manage to fall asleep (thank God) and got some much needed rest. When I woke up this morning, I felt a little better. I did a quick "Flow Yoga" session this morning with Adrienne Reed (the instructor on the video), and then got on with my day. I made myself some delicious
I am beginning to write this blog from my first class as a Graduate MSW student as UCLA!!! (are you as excited as I am?!?!). My teacher is running late (on the first day... tsk tsk tsk), so I decided to take this opportunity and begin to update my blog.
Up until last night, I don't think that I was really THAT nervous about starting graduate school. But, I guess you're really never to old to have those "First day of school jitters". When I finally made it to bed, which was just before 11:30pm, I found my self trapped in a vortex of negative thoughts. It began as it always does....
"What if I sleep through my alarm?" "What if there's a huge accident on the freeway?!" "What if I'm late for class?" "What if the teacher asks me a question and I don't have the answer, because I didn't do the reading?" "What if I get arrested for not doing my homework?!" (this was an actual thought) "Why didn't I do the reading?!" "I'm a horrible graduate student, and school hasn't even really begun yet." "Maybe I'm not ready to be in Graduate school." "What if I fail all my tests and I have to drop out?!" "What if I never get to become a social worker and I'm forced to go work at Chili's again?!"
.... I think you guys have had enough of my ranting. As you can imagine this went on for quite awhile. Somewhere in there, I actually did manage to fall asleep (thank God) and got some much needed rest. When I woke up this morning, I felt a little better. I did a quick "Flow Yoga" session this morning with Adrienne Reed (the instructor on the video), and then got on with my day. I made myself some delicious
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wellness Wednesday...
Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Today is the last day of week two of my Marathon Training!!!
I've made a few changes to the schedule, so I figured I should re-post it.
Training has been going really well so far. Yesterday (Tuesday Morning), I woke up SUPER early to get an easy 30 minute run before I had to be in an orientation at UCLA all day. It was the first time in over a year that I have gotten up and gone running before the sun was up. It was such a beautiful, and calming experience, yet slightly nerve racking at the same time. There something so peaceful about knowing you're the only one in the neighborhood up, but terrifying at the same time. I ended up running for 36 minutes and ran just over 4 miles.
For this mornings run, I was scheduled to do 35 minutes of hill repeats. I'm not exactly sure what it is... but I HATE HILL REPEATS!!! I find myself having to mentally prepare myself to run them the night before, and even then, it's a hit or miss. I started with a 5 minute warm-up to get to the hill, and completed 7 loops before my 5 minute cool down. I wish that I could say that I felt accomplished and satisfied at the end... but I didn't! I know I could have put a little more hustle into it... but I just dislike them so much. I also know that I am going to have to do the same thing all over again next week.
I am going to have to keep trying to think of ways to make this workout more exciting. Maybe I need to find a new hill to race?!?! I'll have to keep an eye out.
In the food world, I created a new masterpiece this morning...... Pumpkin Oatmeal :)
Ok, so I know that the picture looks REALLY unappetizing, but I promise you, it's REALLY good.
I used 1/2 cup plain Quaker Oats, 1/4 cup pure pumpkin, 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk a handful of emerald cinnamon almonds and a teaspoon of honey.
I put the oats, pumpkin, and almond milk all in the container last night before I went to sleep. then when I woke up, I added the almonds and a little bit of hot water to puff up the oats. Then to finish, top with some honey. I would use a little less water than I did here though, or you kinda just get pumpkin pie oatmeal soup :/
In other news, I found a photo from the Didi Hirsch run I ran on Sunday of me and Tyler. Well, I didn't find it, so much as It was sent to me :)
I must say... I look GOOD!!! (Tyler does too <3).
Speaking of inflated self-esteem ^... mine has been pretty up there lately! I have been feeling very confident in myself and my abilities in almost every area of my life. In a way, I think my melt down the other week was my "rock bottom". In reality, it's not the worst place I've been in my life... but for me, it was a real turn around point. Shortly after I had that break down I was looking on the internet for more ways to try to help myself when I came across some information that has really opened my eyes about how to think about my Eating Disorder
Now... Don't get me wrong... I'm pretty sure that I know this information the entire time I have been in Recovery (which is a really long time). Somehow reading it this time around was exactly what I needed to kick my butt into high gear. It was like a light went off, and I finally realized that all of my binge and purge cycles were holding me back, instead of pushing me forward. Who knows what I would look like, or how much I would weight if I hadn't been engaging in these behaviors this whole time?!?!
Now, every time that I have the urge to purge I am going to re-read this information as a way to keep myself in check (like right now, because SOMEBODY brought a TON of junk food to the Suicide Prevention Center).
Tomorrow is the first real day of school... EEEEEK!!! I'm really nervous, excited, scared, and wanting to hide in my bed all day and pretend like I don't need to go in...
.JPG)
Thank Goodness I'm not taking Astronomy :)
I am hoping everything will go smoothly, and I wont get in too much trouble for already being SOOO behind in my reading.
Wish me luck :)
Today is the last day of week two of my Marathon Training!!!
| Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | ||
| Week 1 | 30 easy | 50 mod | CT | Hills 30 | CT | 8 miles | off | |
| Week 2 | 30 easy | CT | 9 miles | 3 miles | CT | 30 easy | Hills 35 | |
| Week 3 | CT | 60 mod | 10 miles | Off | 40 hills | CT | 30 easy | |
| Week 4 | CT | 60 mod | 13 miles | Off | 45 Hills | CT | 30 easy | |
| Week 5 | CT | 60 mod | 10 miles | Off | 50 Hills | CT | 30 easy | |
| Week 6 | CT | 50 mod | 15 miles | Off | 30 Hills | CT | 30 easy | |
| Week 7 | CT | 60 mod | 10 miles | Off | 50 Hills | CT | 40 mod | |
| Week 8 | CT | 50 mod | Off | 10k trail | 15 miles | CT | 40 easy | |
| Week 9 | CT | 20 easy | 12 miles | Off | Hills 60 | CT | 10 mi mod | |
| Week 10 | CT | 60 mod | 16 miles | off | Hills 30-40 | CT | 45 mod | |
| Week 11 | 15k trail | CT | 13 miles | off | Hills 70 | CT | 60 mod | |
| Week 12 | 60 easy | CT | 20 miles | Off | 75 mod | CT | 60 easy | |
| Week 13 | CT | 90 mod | 12 miles | off | Hills 40 | CT | 75 mod | |
| Week 14 | CT | 6 miles RP | 8 miles | off | 50 mod | CT | 50 mod | |
| Week 15 | CT | 40 easy | 50 easy | CT | off | off | MARATHON!!! |
I've made a few changes to the schedule, so I figured I should re-post it.
Training has been going really well so far. Yesterday (Tuesday Morning), I woke up SUPER early to get an easy 30 minute run before I had to be in an orientation at UCLA all day. It was the first time in over a year that I have gotten up and gone running before the sun was up. It was such a beautiful, and calming experience, yet slightly nerve racking at the same time. There something so peaceful about knowing you're the only one in the neighborhood up, but terrifying at the same time. I ended up running for 36 minutes and ran just over 4 miles.
For this mornings run, I was scheduled to do 35 minutes of hill repeats. I'm not exactly sure what it is... but I HATE HILL REPEATS!!! I find myself having to mentally prepare myself to run them the night before, and even then, it's a hit or miss. I started with a 5 minute warm-up to get to the hill, and completed 7 loops before my 5 minute cool down. I wish that I could say that I felt accomplished and satisfied at the end... but I didn't! I know I could have put a little more hustle into it... but I just dislike them so much. I also know that I am going to have to do the same thing all over again next week.
I am going to have to keep trying to think of ways to make this workout more exciting. Maybe I need to find a new hill to race?!?! I'll have to keep an eye out.
In the food world, I created a new masterpiece this morning...... Pumpkin Oatmeal :)
Ok, so I know that the picture looks REALLY unappetizing, but I promise you, it's REALLY good.
I used 1/2 cup plain Quaker Oats, 1/4 cup pure pumpkin, 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk a handful of emerald cinnamon almonds and a teaspoon of honey.
I put the oats, pumpkin, and almond milk all in the container last night before I went to sleep. then when I woke up, I added the almonds and a little bit of hot water to puff up the oats. Then to finish, top with some honey. I would use a little less water than I did here though, or you kinda just get pumpkin pie oatmeal soup :/
In other news, I found a photo from the Didi Hirsch run I ran on Sunday of me and Tyler. Well, I didn't find it, so much as It was sent to me :)
 |
| Not sure what I was saying... but I wish I wasn't |
I must say... I look GOOD!!! (Tyler does too <3).
Speaking of inflated self-esteem ^... mine has been pretty up there lately! I have been feeling very confident in myself and my abilities in almost every area of my life. In a way, I think my melt down the other week was my "rock bottom". In reality, it's not the worst place I've been in my life... but for me, it was a real turn around point. Shortly after I had that break down I was looking on the internet for more ways to try to help myself when I came across some information that has really opened my eyes about how to think about my Eating Disorder
Purging does NOT prevent weight gain
Purging isn’t effective at getting rid of calories, which is why most people suffering with bulimia end up gaining weight over time. Vomiting immediately after eating will only eliminate 50% of the calories consumed at best—and usually much less. This is because calorie absorption begins the moment you put food in the mouth. Laxatives and diuretics are even less effective. Laxatives get rid of only 10% of the calories eaten, and diuretics do nothing at all. You may weigh less after taking them, but that lower number on the scale is due to water loss, not true weight loss.Now... Don't get me wrong... I'm pretty sure that I know this information the entire time I have been in Recovery (which is a really long time). Somehow reading it this time around was exactly what I needed to kick my butt into high gear. It was like a light went off, and I finally realized that all of my binge and purge cycles were holding me back, instead of pushing me forward. Who knows what I would look like, or how much I would weight if I hadn't been engaging in these behaviors this whole time?!?!
Now, every time that I have the urge to purge I am going to re-read this information as a way to keep myself in check (like right now, because SOMEBODY brought a TON of junk food to the Suicide Prevention Center).
Tomorrow is the first real day of school... EEEEEK!!! I'm really nervous, excited, scared, and wanting to hide in my bed all day and pretend like I don't need to go in...
.JPG)
I am hoping everything will go smoothly, and I wont get in too much trouble for already being SOOO behind in my reading.
Wish me luck :)
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Finally!!!
Oh my God!!!
So, I have been LOCKED out of my blog for the past 4 days!!! I almost thought I was going to have to give up my blog (or start a new one), both options that I did not like at all!!!
The worst part is, I have done A LOT in the past 4 days. I ran 3 separate races, I am continuing to go through Marathon Training, and I've been doing a TON of yoga!
I know I still have half an update from Friday, so I will try to at least finish that one.
I quickly recap the races, and then we'll start fresh tomorrow.
Malibu Dirt Dash 10k Trail Race and 5k Mud Run.
I had to wake up at 5:15am to get to this race on time. I was tired, I was nervous, and quite frankly... I was doubting my ability to complete both of these races. I arrive really early, which was GREAT, because they made us park about a mile away from the registration area (which was another 3/4 mile from the start line!!!). I checked in, walked back to my car to grab my bag of spare clothes, and then trekked back to wait for the start of the race.
Before I knew it... I was off and running! The First 1.5 miles was on nice, flat, shaded land. Then, the incline started! We spent the next 2 miles heading uphill. It wasn't the worst incline I've ever run, but it was a pretty good incline. I owe my entire success to the woman that was pacing our group up and down the mountain. I don't know how she did it, but I am truly thankful for her.
I actually met her after the race. Her name was Tina, and she has been running trail races for quite some time. She will also be running the Turkey Trot race I'm running in on Thanksgiving :) It was really nice to meet someone at a race. I usually sorta keep to myself and just leave when I'm finished.
Anywhoo, when we finally got back to flat land, I was so relieved. We ran about another 3/4 mile, when all of a sudden we cam up to another up hill climb.
This was the moment that I DIED! I was not sure that I was going to reach my goals for this race.
My only goals for this race were:
1. To keep moving the entire time
2. To finish
I was on the verge of breaking down... but I just kept telling myself to put one foot in front of the other. Before I knew it, I was at the top of the hill. From there, it was smooth sailing!!!
All the way down, I felt like I was on cloud 9, I was flying, I was running REALLY fast (well, fast for me!). I even engaged in a little race challenge between two other women that were running at a similar pace. Initially I passed them, but I think I got a little ahead of myself. Before I knew it, I got nauseous, and had to slow down. They passed me, and we still had about a half mile to.
I was getting close to the finish line, when I saw the race clock... I was at 59 minutes and roughly 30 seconds. It was at that moment that I realized I had a third goal...
3. To finish this race in under an hour!!!
I'm not sure where I pulled the strength... but I bolted to the finish line! I clocked in at 59:53 and was completely relived that I had achieved all of my goals (even the one I didn't really know that I had).
45 minutes later... it was time to do the Mud Run!!! Now, I wasn't super excited to do this event anyways... but after I BARELY finished the trail run, I was SUPER not ready to do the Mud Run. I took it REALLY slow. My stomach was having issues, my legs were exhausted, and there was some idiot trying to give out training advice to people, and just being a general A-hole about it throughout the entire course. Once I finally got to the first obstacle, I got more in the spirit.
To make a long story short... it was fun. I don't know that I'd EVER do it again. Well, at least not alone. I saw so many other GROUPS of people that were wearing matching shirts and stuff... and they looked like they were having so much more fun than I was.
Either way... I survived... kinda.
The next day it was time for the Didi Hirsch Alive and Running 5k. I went with the WHOLE family (Mom, Ray, Aunt Cindy and Tyler). I also got to meet up with my friend Sandra while I was there. I didn't initially have any intention on "racing" the whole thing, but once I got going, I couldn't stop.
I would up completing the race in 26:10. I'm not sure if that's a PR for me or not, but I was SUPER happy with it. I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing and preparing for the week ahead.
Things at my internship have gotten better. I finally got my first client :) and I think things are starting to look up. I still have to deal with some issues with my field instructors, but I figured I would take it all ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
I know this was a CRAPPY update, but its all I really have time for. I promise, starting tomorrow, I will get back into my normal swing of things.
So, I have been LOCKED out of my blog for the past 4 days!!! I almost thought I was going to have to give up my blog (or start a new one), both options that I did not like at all!!!
The worst part is, I have done A LOT in the past 4 days. I ran 3 separate races, I am continuing to go through Marathon Training, and I've been doing a TON of yoga!
I know I still have half an update from Friday, so I will try to at least finish that one.
I quickly recap the races, and then we'll start fresh tomorrow.
Malibu Dirt Dash 10k Trail Race and 5k Mud Run.
I had to wake up at 5:15am to get to this race on time. I was tired, I was nervous, and quite frankly... I was doubting my ability to complete both of these races. I arrive really early, which was GREAT, because they made us park about a mile away from the registration area (which was another 3/4 mile from the start line!!!). I checked in, walked back to my car to grab my bag of spare clothes, and then trekked back to wait for the start of the race.
Before I knew it... I was off and running! The First 1.5 miles was on nice, flat, shaded land. Then, the incline started! We spent the next 2 miles heading uphill. It wasn't the worst incline I've ever run, but it was a pretty good incline. I owe my entire success to the woman that was pacing our group up and down the mountain. I don't know how she did it, but I am truly thankful for her.
I actually met her after the race. Her name was Tina, and she has been running trail races for quite some time. She will also be running the Turkey Trot race I'm running in on Thanksgiving :) It was really nice to meet someone at a race. I usually sorta keep to myself and just leave when I'm finished.
Anywhoo, when we finally got back to flat land, I was so relieved. We ran about another 3/4 mile, when all of a sudden we cam up to another up hill climb.
This was the moment that I DIED! I was not sure that I was going to reach my goals for this race.
My only goals for this race were:
1. To keep moving the entire time
2. To finish
I was on the verge of breaking down... but I just kept telling myself to put one foot in front of the other. Before I knew it, I was at the top of the hill. From there, it was smooth sailing!!!
All the way down, I felt like I was on cloud 9, I was flying, I was running REALLY fast (well, fast for me!). I even engaged in a little race challenge between two other women that were running at a similar pace. Initially I passed them, but I think I got a little ahead of myself. Before I knew it, I got nauseous, and had to slow down. They passed me, and we still had about a half mile to.
I was getting close to the finish line, when I saw the race clock... I was at 59 minutes and roughly 30 seconds. It was at that moment that I realized I had a third goal...
3. To finish this race in under an hour!!!
I'm not sure where I pulled the strength... but I bolted to the finish line! I clocked in at 59:53 and was completely relived that I had achieved all of my goals (even the one I didn't really know that I had).
45 minutes later... it was time to do the Mud Run!!! Now, I wasn't super excited to do this event anyways... but after I BARELY finished the trail run, I was SUPER not ready to do the Mud Run. I took it REALLY slow. My stomach was having issues, my legs were exhausted, and there was some idiot trying to give out training advice to people, and just being a general A-hole about it throughout the entire course. Once I finally got to the first obstacle, I got more in the spirit.
To make a long story short... it was fun. I don't know that I'd EVER do it again. Well, at least not alone. I saw so many other GROUPS of people that were wearing matching shirts and stuff... and they looked like they were having so much more fun than I was.
Either way... I survived... kinda.
The next day it was time for the Didi Hirsch Alive and Running 5k. I went with the WHOLE family (Mom, Ray, Aunt Cindy and Tyler). I also got to meet up with my friend Sandra while I was there. I didn't initially have any intention on "racing" the whole thing, but once I got going, I couldn't stop.
I would up completing the race in 26:10. I'm not sure if that's a PR for me or not, but I was SUPER happy with it. I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing and preparing for the week ahead.
Things at my internship have gotten better. I finally got my first client :) and I think things are starting to look up. I still have to deal with some issues with my field instructors, but I figured I would take it all ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!
I know this was a CRAPPY update, but its all I really have time for. I promise, starting tomorrow, I will get back into my normal swing of things.
Final Friday of Fantastic Summer Fun!!!!
Happy Last Day of Summer!!!
Now, Summer is my FAVORITE season (possibly because the majority of my family was born in the summer months- myself included), but I mean it when I say I am ready for this summer to be over. It has been a wacky season of wacky heat/ uncomfortable weather conditions. I am very much looking forward to cool morning, cool evenings and perfect running conditions.
I am also very ready for PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING!!! I found some delicious products in the stores, and bought my first can of pumpkin of the season :) More on that to come in my upcoming blogs
Well, I started with my last day of the Summer with some Yoga (yup... that makes 3 days in one week!). This morning I decided to do the "Upper Body: Arms" episode. As you would imagine there were a lot of planks, push ups and shoulder stretches. I could have sworn I did the video a week ago... but I really DON'T remember any of the poses that she was showing. Either way, I sorta made it through the 25 minutes, took a shower and headed to school.
I only had to be on campus for a focus group, and then I had a GAZILLION errands to run today!!! First, I came home and ate lunch.
I've been craving eggs, and my mom bought a new soup! So, I decided to mix the two together :)
Or at least eat them together. After lunch, Mom and I ran some errands and I got to go shopping. Once we were done with that we got pedicures :)
This is how we bond...
The rest of the evening will be spent relaxing with Tyler and prepping for The Malibu Dirt Dash 10k Trail Run and 5k Mud Run!!!
I'm really nervous, and not sure how to help it, but I can only imagine that Tyler will find JUST the right thing to calm my nerves :)
See you at the Finish line!!!
Now, Summer is my FAVORITE season (possibly because the majority of my family was born in the summer months- myself included), but I mean it when I say I am ready for this summer to be over. It has been a wacky season of wacky heat/ uncomfortable weather conditions. I am very much looking forward to cool morning, cool evenings and perfect running conditions.
I am also very ready for PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING!!! I found some delicious products in the stores, and bought my first can of pumpkin of the season :) More on that to come in my upcoming blogs
Well, I started with my last day of the Summer with some Yoga (yup... that makes 3 days in one week!). This morning I decided to do the "Upper Body: Arms" episode. As you would imagine there were a lot of planks, push ups and shoulder stretches. I could have sworn I did the video a week ago... but I really DON'T remember any of the poses that she was showing. Either way, I sorta made it through the 25 minutes, took a shower and headed to school.
I only had to be on campus for a focus group, and then I had a GAZILLION errands to run today!!! First, I came home and ate lunch.
I've been craving eggs, and my mom bought a new soup! So, I decided to mix the two together :)
Or at least eat them together. After lunch, Mom and I ran some errands and I got to go shopping. Once we were done with that we got pedicures :)
I decided on a nice "Fall" type color. I'm not sure if I love it or not though :/
This is how we bond...
The rest of the evening will be spent relaxing with Tyler and prepping for The Malibu Dirt Dash 10k Trail Run and 5k Mud Run!!!
I'm really nervous, and not sure how to help it, but I can only imagine that Tyler will find JUST the right thing to calm my nerves :)
See you at the Finish line!!!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Marathon Training Schedule
| Thursday | Friday | Saturday | Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | ||
| Week 1 | 30 easy | 50 mod | CT | Hills 30 | CT | 8 miles | off | |
| Week 2 | 30 easy | CT | 9 miles | 3 miles | CT | Hills 35 | off | |
| Week 3 | 30 easy | 60 mod | CT | Hills 40 | CT | 10 miles | off | |
| Week 4 | 30 easy | 60 mod | CT | Hills 45 | CT | 13 miles | off | |
| Week 5 | 30 easy | 60 mod | CT | Hills 50 | CT | 10 miles | off | |
| Week 6 | 30 easy | 50 mod | CT | Hills 30 | CT | 15 miles | off | |
| Week 7 | 40 mod | 60 mod | CT | Hills 50 | CT | 10 miles | off | |
| Week 8 | 50 mod | 40 easy | CT | 10k trail | CT | 16 miles | off | |
| Week 9 | 20 easy | 10mi mod | CT | Hills 60 | Off | 12 miles | CT | |
| Week 10 | 45 mod | 60 mod | CT | Hills 30-40 | 16 miles | CT | off | |
| Week 11 | 90 high | 60 mod | CT | Hills 70 | CT | 13 miles | off | |
| Week 12 | 60 easy | 75 mod | CT | Off | Off | 20 miles | CT | |
| Week 13 | 75 mod | 90 mod | CT | Hills 40 | CT | 12 miles | off | |
| Week 14 | 50 mod | 6 miles RP | CT | 50 mod | CT | 8 miles | off | |
| Week 15 | CT | 40 easy | 50 easy | CT | off | off | MARATHON!!! | |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)