The Dietitian

I hope you all had a Grateful Monday! Today has been a day of strange accidents and terrible tragedies... and it is a constant reminder that I have A LOT to be grateful for in my life. 

My health, my family, and my mental, physical and spiritual well- being to begin with. But my heart goes out to all of the victims and witnesses at the Boston Marathon. Those runners worked so hard to get there and have their families support them, only to have it ruined, but a malicious and selfish act. I pray that they discover who did this so that justice can be served.

Although I do not currently have a desire to run any Marathons, the Boston is DEFINITELY on my bucket list!!! (There is about a MILLION races on my bucket list... one day I will actually compile it!)

So, I have to apologize for my preemptive 100th post message... I had a draft that I never deleted... so TODAY is actually my 100th post :)

I want to use this post to discuss what I learned at my appointment with the dietcian on Friday morning. There was a lot to take in, but I've been able to talk about and reinforce what I learned with A LOT of people over the last few days. Although there was a lot of information the main take home message that I got was 

I NEED TO BE EATING MORE FOOD!!!

According to the dietitian, just to maintain my body weight, I need to be taking in approximately 1900 calories a day (that's not including all of the activity that I take in). When she told me this, I think I almost had a heart attack. To be honest, I think I was always aiming between 1500 and 1600 calories (This is the point that I would start getting really anxious about eating anything without getting FAT.) The only problem is... only eating that much was completely setting me up to binge!

The way the dietitian explained it to me, was that if I am not providing myself with enough calories and satisfying meals throughout the day, then at the end of the day my body still wants the calories that it rightfully needs. However, instead of a nice, healthy snack... it wants high calorie, high fat, high GUILT foods. Then, once I start eating... I CANT STOP. Then I intake WAY too many calories... because even when I purge, I still absorb most of the calories I consumed.

The solution... eat more sensible foods throughout the day, and avoid wanting to binge on inappropriate foods at night :) Once she went over what I am currently eating, she made some suggestions for where my foods could improve. My usual breakfast (eggs, avocado, kale, mushrooms, flat bread and salsa) got a resounding thumbs... Thank god, because I LOVE my breakfast... but my lunch and dinner and snacks were pretty sub-standard.

She suggested that I double up on my carbohydrates at both lunch and dinner (1 cup of oats instead of 1/2 and two sweet potatoes instead of 1). When she asked me to do this... I almost died!!! It just sounds like a crazy amount of food for ANYONE to be eating, but I said I would give it a try. As for my snacks, she said that my morning coffee and fruit was probably fine, but in the afternoon I should probably be adding more protein. 

She also suggested that I start trying to mix up the variety of foods that I am eating. Getting into a "rut" can feel too much like a diet. She encouraged me to try new foods... even if I didn't completely eat them, just to get use to breaking out of my comfort zone. (even if I just take a bite and spit it back out).

I have to admit, that having this knowledge has really changed the way I look at food, and how I have been making my food choice... but I am still insanely afraid of gaining weight from taking in all this food. But, if I have learned anything from program it is that I do NOT know everything there is to know about food... and that it is time for me to let someone guide me... whether it be my HP, my sponsor, my therapist OR my dietitian.... (or as I like to call them, the FAB 4!)

can I sound any crazier more AMAZING!!!

Today was my first day really trying to make that work... and I'm not sure how I feel about. I did feel fuller for most of the day, but I also feel like I am eating waaaaaay too much food. When I was speaking to another fellow about this, she said that it just takes a couple days for your system to get use to the increase of food, and it will eventually normalize. So I am going to keep trying. 

I have a few goals of my own (go figure) to help make this huge change to my eating patterns. 

1. Don't eat the same thing every day!
2. Try to eat at least one NEW recipe every two weeks (Baby STEPS)
3. Start eating to a new, realistic clock. She says that creating this habit will help reinforce more positive eating habits and reduce the binging
4. Mon/Wed/Fri : 8:30/11:30 (smaller snack)/1:00/4:00/7:00 Tues/Thurs/Sat: 7:00/10:30(larger snack)/1:00/4:00/7:00Sundays are long run days and all jacked up... so that is going to be a little messy to keep to a time4. Start getting up and out of bed when my alarm goes off. No more of this "snoozing" for 15 minutes. I think it's really starting to mess with my sleep pattern, and I want to do an experiment to see if this will help me REMAIN asleep and stop waking up so frequently
5. On top of this, this will also be the first week that I am only allowing myself to run 3 days in a row. So, I'm hoping to keep that goal going.
6. I am not going to count abstinence days anymore... I have set an alarm for day 30, and I will do the same for 60 and 90 when I reach them. And that is just how it is going to work

We'll see how this works, and I'm going to check in with the dietitian at the follow up appointment I have on Thursday. I'm also going to discuss it with my therapist tomorrow.

Ok... Time for AEIOU's so I can brush my teeth, go do some homework and go to sleep!

A- YES :)

E- 4.41 mile run

I- I listened to my body when it told me I was hungry, I paid my tags so that I don't have to worry about it later, I did my homework for the dietitian, I fed my body in a meaningful way, I was honest about my feelings, and I accepted the compliments of my supervisors. 

O- I drove my mother to her support group, I went to lunch with my supervisor so that he wouldn't have to eat alone, I outreached to 3 fellows, I provide good constructive criticism to my supervisors

U- "As long as we believe that we already know what is best for us, we cling to our habitual ways of thinking and acting"- OA 12&12 p.6. To me, this means that I CAN NOT keep trying to do things my way. I have to be open to suggestion, I have to be willing to do things that I do not think make sense, and I must be willing to trust that others may know more about my life than I do.