Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A Goal Setter and a Go Getter!!!

Happy Tuesday, Everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Break, and that you are rested, relaxed and ready to take on the Christmas Holiday :)

I am proud to say that since my recent difficulties with my mother I have (yet again) turned over a new leaf and have been sober (aka binge and purge free) for 5 days!!!! I know this does not sound like a lot (or a big deal for many) but before October 10, 2012 I could not remember the last time I had this many days sober. It is truly a Miraculous feeling. I have had more energy, I can get more things done (except homework), I can think clearly and I feel extremely confident about myself. I view myself as a virtual powerhouse of progress and believe that I only have UP to go from here.

I have been in this situation before, and I am desperate to hold onto it. I have promised myself time and time and TIME again that I will not get "Hung Up" on the days... because in essence they are  not what matters. My health, well being and happiness are what matters most to me.

In my time of clear mindedness I have decided that it is time to set some goals for myself. They do not all relate to exercise or diet, but they are all things that I feel are pertinent to my recovery and my well being.

1. Start my day with TEA instead of COFFEE. Being sick last week meant that I could ONLY drink tea, and I forgot how much I love doing it. In the summer months it is just too hot so it sorta feel by the wayside. I also have a HORRIBLE coffee addiction that needs to be tamed. I am setting a goal to add more tea (which means good antioxidants and yummy water) to my week. At least 5 days a week I am going to start my day with tea instead of coffee.

2. Attend at least one OA meeting a week. In the past I have always tried to manage my recovery on my own. A famous "Genius" once said, "Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Photo Credit: timettokickbutts.com
Ultimately, this means that it is time for me to TRY SOMETHING NEW. It was recently pointed out to me that I am the textbook definition of an extrovert, meaning that I feed off the presence and relationship of others (ok... so maybe that's not textbook, but you get the idea). Bulimia and other Eating Disorders are very introverted and isolative diseases... so it would seem that the best way to combat them would be in the strength of others. I have contemplated going to OA meetings before and have always managed to shy away. I believe that it is time for me be face my fear and just GO! The worst that could happen is that I make some friends along the way.

3. Add more quality exercise to my week. From now on I am not setting myself up with crazy ridiculous running goals. I am just going to aim to run for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week. I am also going to take the month of December off from racing in order to rebuild my running strength. Taking as much time off as I did has left me feeling as though I am back at square one... So that is where I am going to start :)

Photo Credit: Susan-lifetwo.blogspot.com

These are my starting points... and there is only up to go from here. I'm finished with my morning class and going to enjoy an afternoon run around campus.
Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thankful Thanksgiving

Wow, I can't believe that I have been out of commission for over a month. A lot has happened in the very short amount of time... and many of it was not good.

My mother was diagnosed with Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer on October 10, and was rushed in to surgery on Saturday the 13th. It was as if my world stopped. I wanted nothing but to spend as much time as possible in the hospital with my mother. I gave everything in my life the bare minimum for the following week, and in some cases, not even that. She was in the hospital for 10 days, and has been in recovery since. She began chemo before she left the hospital, and has at least 5 more rounds to go.

Mom is healing fairly well, and slowly but surely I am returning to a sense of normalcy. I've missed two races, and have decided not to compete in my first Marathon on December 26th, because my mom is going in for her 3rd round of chemo on that day. I haven't been able to be there for her as much as I would like to because of all my commitments, but I feel it is only right that I not run it. I'm going to request that my bib be given to someone else, or ask for my position to be held until the 2013 race, but we will see how it goes.

This last month and a half has been really tough for me, and in many ways I have completely shut down. Stress at home, stress from school, and stress from all of my relationships began to overwhelm me. I stopped running because I didn't have time, I stopped writing for the same reason and diet took a trip out the window. All my free moments went to my mother, or resting to keep up my strengths for all of my other responsibilities. There were quite a few times that I felt absolutely hopeless. I couldn't even stay strong for the woman who needed me most :/

I have been battling a cold for the past week and haven't been doing much running... so I decided not to compete in the Topanga Turkey Trot 15k this morning. Instead, I decided to take a nice smaller run around my neighborhood, and really reflect on all the things that I have to be thankful for.

I am thankful for the health and wellness of my family, even if it is not quite at an ideal level. I know that This is just a little blip in the road for our family and we are all going to become stronger for it.

I am thankful for the wonderful education that I am receiving at UCLA. Sometimes the school work becomes stressful, and I do not always agree with the "process" that everyone keeps telling me to trust, but I know that this is where I am suppose to be.

I am thankful for the strength and guidance of my Grandmother. She truly is my rock, and without her I would be completely lost. I hope that one day I can be half the woman that she is.

I am thankful for all of the wonderful opportunities that I have had this year, even if I haven't been able to fully appreciate or take advantage of them.

I am thankful for my ability to adapt, adjust, and move forward. I know that these last few months have not worked out quite the way I would like them too, but I am learning that this is not always a bad thing.

Finally, I am thankful that it is never too late to make a change.

I'm hoping to be able to start updating more, to start some different running challenges, and to get back in touch with my basics. I hope you decide to come along with me :)