Sunday, July 22, 2012

Setback Sunday.

Hi Everyone,

I am writing this blog entry with a little shame and a small amount of disappointment. However, I started this blog with the intention of being COMPLETELY honest, so here it goes...

Last night, I had a minor set back in my program. For whatever I was not able to control my cravings, slipped, and overate to the point of binging. This happens to me every once and awhile, because even the strong have their weakest moment, but this is the first time it has in about a month. All evening I had been hungry and wanting to eat, and for the most part I was able to control my cravings. It was in my final hour that I just could not fight my demons anymore and gave in :(. The worst part was, it was primarily on healthy food. I will spare you all the horrific details (nobody needs to be THAT honest). It wasn't like an enormous bender, but it was enough to make me wake up feeling extremely guilty for what I had done.

To look on the bright side, because there always has to be one, I DID NOT PURGE! I thought about doing it, and even began preparing in the bathroom to do it, but I dug REALLY deep and stopped myself. I knew that it was much more important for me to hold myself accountable and accept the consequences of what I had done, then to engage in even more shameful behaviors.

Do not get me wrong, I am not proud of what I did, but I have to forgive myself for my moments of weakness. If I don't, I will only continue to plague myself with guilt, hatred and shame. So, that is what I have decided to do in order to help myself move forward from this event and not dwell on my shortcomings. (That and admit it to all of the people that actually take the time to read this).

I always want to apologize to those who read this, because I feel that I have let you down. I know it sounds silly, but I hold myself to a standard by writing this blog and I feel that YOU ALL deserve better from me. I feel that I have learned my lesson, and will hopefully remember this feeling the next time I think about binging.

To moving forward!!!

I slept in a little bit this morning, probably because I was up until 2:30), and woke up at around 10:00am. My first initial thought was, "Damn, it is going to be too hot for my run!". After I had already upset myself with my evenings behaviors, I was completely disappointed with the fact that I did not wake up early enough to run. This automatically put me in a foul mood.

Tyler spent the night at my house last night, and could immediately see that I was upset and asked what was wrong. (He's so good!). I told him that I was really mad at myself for sleeping in too late to go for my run. Being the amazing Boyfriend that he is, he looked me in the eye and said, "Just Go Do It."

All I needed was this little kick in the pants to get up, get dressed and get out of there!!! I am so lucky that I have a better half who knows how much this means to me. I felt much better after my run... It was really hot, but not as bad as I had anticipated. I was really glad that I took water with me... or I honestly believe that I might have died.

After my run Tyler and I took a trip to Trader Joe's to pick up some MUCH needed staples. Tyler refused to let me take a picture, so I took a picture of the shopping cart. I got Sweet Potatoes, asparagus, blueberries, sausage, grapes, Trader Joe's Japanese style Fried Rice and Kale. I have been reading a lot about the health benefits of and it has many of the same benefits of spinach, only INTENSIFIED... So I figured I would pick so up and try to start using it in my meals.

We came home and made the Japanese Style Fried Rice for lunch, because I was WAAAY to tired to try to put anything together, and we didn't have enough time to go pick something up from Sharky's (our favorite guilty pleasure) before I left for work. We've had this before and it is Amazing!!! brown rice, tofu, edamame and seaweed. DEEEELICIOUS!

The rest of my day I spent feeling dehydrated and tired. Lesson learned: get up early to run!!!

1 comment:

  1. Im very proud of you and I love that fried rice, I have it in the freezer right now.