Sunday, September 30, 2012

My Goals for the Week of October 1-7, 2012

"Persistence Is Vital
Victories and setbacks must be understood in the context
of a struggle that may extend beyond the lives of
those involved at any given time."

I found this quote in one of my reading assignments for school this week. I have a feeling that I am going to be coming across quite a bit of relevant recovery material all throughout the next two years of this educational process. I am constantly reminded that this is a lifelong process, and it is only going to get better with persistence and acceptance of both the victories AND the setbacks.

Today, I am proud of yet another Victory I gained today. Last night when I was leaving work, I was in a very heated mood. I got into an unnecessary argument with one of my co workers (his fault, not mine) and it left me with a VERY bitter taste in my mouth. Driving home, all I could think about was how angry I was and that fact that I had no one to vent my frustrations to... Naturally, I wanted to quench my feelings with food. I almost caught myself going to the kitchen, but I fought it off and finally managed to fall asleep.

I woke up this morning, feeling a little irritable (lack of good sleep, woke up with a horrible knot in my shoulder, etc.). But I tried my best to turn it around. I started my day with a random, but delicious breakfast of Eggo's Pumpkin Spice Waffles, a banana, honey and some egg whites. It was delicious and kept me feeling full for most of the day.


Spending the day with THIS handsome fella helped cure my bad mood 

Not taken today :(

I spent the rest of the day thinking about Goals. I set some for myself last week, and achieved the majority of them. I really like the way I did it, and I think it is going to become a regular part of my Sunday. So, I came up with a few goals for this week.
Goals for the Week!!!

1. I am going to do yoga at least twice. (same goal as last week)

2. I am going to walk the perimeter of campus during my lunch breaks on both Tuesday and Thursday

3. Stop checking my cell phone and Facebook too often throughout the day-especially in class. ( My addiction is getting Scary... I may need an intervention soon.)

4. Focus on advocating for myself at my internship and not avoiding confrontation.

5. Try to start eating when I am hungry, as opposed to by time increments. I have a tendency obsession to count out 3 hour intervals between meals (1.5 hours between a meal and a snack), and don't let myself eat until that time has passed. I think this is a really dumb habit of mine, and I want to try to break myself of it.

It may not sound like there are HUGE goals... but trust me, they are.

As you reflect on the week, what are some of your goals?!?!

Saturday, September 29, 2012

A Big Run and a New Recipe

Happy Saturday!!!

I remember being a kid, and being so excited for it to be a Saturday. As an adult, I'm not so sure I'm quite as excited... but I can say that I do some exciting things with my weekend.

I went to bed early last night, and am so thankful that I did. I went out with a couple of my colleagues for dinner and drinks last night at Red Robin's. I knew I had a 10 mile run this morning, so I didn't want to over do it with dinner and drinks. I stuck with a water and their veggie burger and ordered broccoli on the side to substitute my fries. The burger was delicious!!! It had huge pieces of grilled squash and caramelized onions. I didn't eat the entire pattie, or most of the bun, but I was able to stay full for the rest of the evening.

Night time is when I usually deal with my most intense cravings, and last night was no exception. When i got home, I had visions of eating ice cream, pumpkin waffles, and even Popsicles. I knew I wasn't hungry, and I knew that having one snack could lead me to a binge, so I stayed in my bed and just tried to put myself to sleep.

My cravings were so strong, and I even had dreams about binging. I'm not sure if anyone else does this, but I've heard of drug addicts having the same type of issues. The problem is that they are so strong, and real, that you sometimes wake up feeling like you really did do it.


Thankfully, I woke up with no guiLty feelings (like I have before), and was ready to get my 10 mile run on. I ate a banana and some raisins and took one of my Shotbloks for pre-run fuel.

When I got to the park there were TONS of people there. Apparently everyone wanted to take advantage of the gorgeous weather (and the fact that the freeways are shut down for Carmageddon). Initially, I was hesitant and almost talked myself into going home... but I'm glad that I stuck it out and forced myself to stay. The groups that I feared the most, actually ended up being the reason I finished my run.

El Camino Real High School's track team was having a practice there, and so was team in training. At one point, I was able to use them as my own pacers during the run. To be honest, they pushed me pretty hard through miles 4-8.

I made sure I fueled throughout the run, even though it wasn't THAT hot. The only problem is... I've already lost a top to one of my fuel belt bottles :(. I've only had it for like 3 weeks!!! it worked though, I didn't need everything I brought with me.

Anyways, I finished my run strong and actually ended up running almost 10.5 miles :) I was pretty tired though. It's hard to believe that at some point, I'm going to have to run more than twice that!!! But, just like my recovery, I need to take it one run at a time.

On the drive home I had some chocolate mil and as soon as I got home, I made Pumpkin Oatmeal Pancakes. I got the recipe from a blog I follow called Kath Eats Real Food, but I made a couple changes. The recipe called for:

They cooked so fast!


1/4 cup oats
1/4 cup pumpkin
1/4 cup egg whites
1 tsb cinnamon
1 tsb baking powder
1 tsb vanilla

I added:

1 tbsp slivered almonds
 and roughly an 1/8 cup of almond milk.

They may not look like much, but MMmmm!

OMG... were these good! Instead of using syrup, I used just a spoonful of honey (although, I probably could have used 2). Also, I think using a tsp of cinnamon was a bit much for me, so next time, I think I'm going to use a 1/2 tsp.

Now, I'm spending the rest of the afternoon catching up on blogs and updating my own (duh) before I have to go to work.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Toughing It Up!!!!

Happy Thursday!!!

I am beginning to write this blog from my first class as a Graduate MSW student as UCLA!!! (are you as excited as I am?!?!). My teacher is running late (on the first day... tsk tsk tsk), so I decided to take this opportunity and begin to update my blog.

Up until last night, I don't think that I was really THAT nervous about starting graduate school. But, I guess you're really never to old to have those "First day of school jitters".  When I finally made it to bed, which was just before 11:30pm, I found my self trapped in a vortex of negative thoughts. It began as it always does....

"What if I sleep through my alarm?" "What if there's a huge accident on the freeway?!" "What if I'm late for class?" "What if the teacher asks me a question and I don't have the answer, because I didn't do the reading?" "What if I get arrested for not doing my homework?!" (this was an actual thought) "Why didn't I do the reading?!" "I'm a horrible graduate student, and school hasn't even really begun yet." "Maybe I'm not ready to be in Graduate school." "What if I fail all my tests and I have to drop out?!" "What if I never get to become a social worker and I'm forced to go work at Chili's again?!"

.... I think you guys have had enough of my ranting. As you can imagine this went on for quite awhile. Somewhere in there, I actually did manage to fall asleep (thank God) and got some much needed rest. When I woke up this morning, I felt a little better. I did a quick "Flow Yoga" session this morning with Adrienne Reed (the instructor on the video), and then got on with my day. I made myself some delicious

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Wellness Wednesday...

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Today is the last day of week two of my Marathon Training!!!

Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday
Week 1 30 easy 50 mod CT Hills 30 CT 8 miles off
Week 2 30 easy CT 9 miles 3 miles CT 30 easy Hills 35
Week 3 CT 60 mod 10 miles Off 40 hills CT 30 easy
Week 4 CT 60 mod 13 miles Off 45 Hills CT 30 easy
Week 5 CT 60 mod 10 miles Off 50 Hills CT 30 easy
Week 6 CT 50 mod 15 miles Off 30 Hills CT 30 easy
Week 7 CT 60 mod 10 miles Off 50 Hills CT 40 mod
Week 8 CT 50 mod Off 10k trail  15 miles CT 40 easy
Week 9 CT 20 easy 12 miles Off Hills 60 CT 10 mi mod
Week 10 CT 60 mod 16 miles off Hills 30-40 CT 45 mod
Week 11 15k trail CT 13 miles off Hills 70 CT 60 mod
Week 12 60 easy CT 20 miles Off 75 mod CT 60 easy
Week 13 CT 90 mod 12 miles off Hills 40 CT 75 mod
Week 14 CT 6 miles RP 8 miles off 50 mod CT 50 mod
Week 15 CT 40 easy 50 easy CT off off MARATHON!!!

I've made a few changes to the schedule, so I figured I should re-post it.

Training has been going really well so far. Yesterday (Tuesday Morning), I woke up SUPER early to get an easy 30 minute run before I had to be in an orientation at UCLA all day. It was the first time in over a year that I have gotten up and gone running before the sun was up. It was such a beautiful, and calming experience, yet slightly nerve racking at the same time. There something so peaceful about knowing you're the only one in the neighborhood up, but terrifying at the same time. I ended up running for 36 minutes and ran just over 4 miles.

For this mornings run, I was scheduled to do 35 minutes of hill repeats. I'm not exactly sure what it is... but I HATE HILL REPEATS!!! I find myself having to mentally prepare myself to run them the night before, and even then, it's a hit or miss. I started with a 5 minute warm-up to get to the hill, and completed 7 loops before my 5 minute cool down. I wish that I could say that I felt accomplished and satisfied at the end... but I didn't! I know I could have put a little more hustle into it... but I just dislike them so much. I also know that I am going to have to do the same thing all over again next week.

I am going to have to keep trying to think of ways to make this workout more exciting. Maybe I need to find a new hill to race?!?! I'll have to keep an eye out.

In the food world, I created a new masterpiece this morning...... Pumpkin Oatmeal :)

Ok, so I know that the picture looks REALLY unappetizing, but I promise you, it's REALLY good.

I used 1/2 cup plain Quaker Oats, 1/4 cup pure pumpkin, 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk a handful of emerald cinnamon almonds and a teaspoon of honey.

I put the oats, pumpkin, and almond milk all in the container last night before I went to sleep. then when I woke up, I added the almonds and a little bit of hot water to puff up the oats. Then to finish, top with some honey. I would use a little less water than I did here though, or you kinda just get pumpkin pie oatmeal soup :/

In other news, I found a photo from the Didi Hirsch run I ran on Sunday of me and Tyler. Well, I didn't find it, so much as It was sent to me :)

Not sure what I was saying... but I wish I wasn't

I must say... I look GOOD!!! (Tyler does too <3).

Speaking of inflated self-esteem ^... mine has been pretty up there lately! I have been feeling very confident in myself and my abilities in almost every area of my life. In a way, I think  my melt down the other week was my "rock bottom". In reality, it's not the worst place I've been in my life... but for me, it was a real turn around point. Shortly after I had that break down I was looking on the internet  for more ways to try to help myself when I came across some information that has really opened my eyes about how to think about my Eating Disorder

Purging does NOT prevent weight gain

Purging isn’t effective at getting rid of calories, which is why most people suffering with bulimia end up gaining weight over time. Vomiting immediately after eating will only eliminate 50% of the calories consumed at best—and usually much less. This is because calorie absorption begins the moment you put food in the mouth. Laxatives and diuretics are even less effective. Laxatives get rid of only 10% of the calories eaten, and diuretics do nothing at all. You may weigh less after taking them, but that lower number on the scale is due to water loss, not true weight loss.

Now... Don't get me wrong... I'm pretty sure that I know this information the entire time I have been in Recovery (which is a really long time). Somehow reading it this time around was exactly what I needed to kick my butt into high gear. It was like a light went off, and I finally realized that all of my binge and purge cycles were holding me back, instead of pushing me forward. Who knows what I would look like, or how much I would weight if I hadn't been engaging in these behaviors this whole time?!?!

Now, every time that I have the urge to purge I am going to re-read this information as a way to keep myself in check (like right now, because SOMEBODY brought a TON of junk food to the Suicide Prevention Center).

Tomorrow is the first real day of school... EEEEEK!!! I'm really nervous, excited, scared, and wanting to hide in my bed all day and pretend like I don't need to go in...

 Thank Goodness I'm not taking Astronomy :)

I am hoping everything will go smoothly, and I wont get in too much trouble for already being SOOO behind in my reading.

Wish me luck :)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012


Oh my God!!!

So, I have been LOCKED out of my blog for the past 4 days!!! I almost thought I was going to have to give up my blog (or start a new one), both options that I did not like at all!!!

The worst part is, I have done A LOT in the past 4 days. I ran 3 separate races, I am continuing to go through Marathon Training, and I've been doing a TON of yoga!

I know I still have half an update from Friday, so I will try to at least finish that one.

I quickly recap the races, and then we'll start fresh tomorrow.

Malibu Dirt Dash 10k Trail Race and 5k Mud Run.

I had to wake up at 5:15am to get to this race on time. I was tired, I was nervous, and quite frankly... I was doubting my ability to complete both of these races. I arrive really early, which was GREAT, because they made us park about a mile away from the registration area (which was another 3/4 mile from the start line!!!). I checked in, walked back to my car to grab my bag of spare clothes, and then trekked back to wait for the start of the race.

Before I knew it... I was off and running! The First 1.5 miles was on nice, flat, shaded land. Then, the incline started! We spent the next 2 miles heading uphill. It wasn't the worst incline I've ever run, but it was a pretty good incline. I owe my entire success to the woman that was pacing our group up and down the mountain. I don't know how she did it, but I am truly thankful for her.

I actually met her after the race. Her name was Tina, and she has been running trail races for quite some time. She will also be running the Turkey Trot race I'm running in on Thanksgiving :) It was really nice to meet someone at a race. I usually sorta keep to myself and just leave when I'm finished.

Anywhoo, when we finally got back to flat land, I was so relieved. We ran about another 3/4 mile, when all of a sudden we cam up to another up hill climb.

This was the moment that I DIED! I was not sure that I was going to reach my goals for this race.

My only goals for this race were:

1. To keep moving the entire time
2. To finish

I was on the verge of breaking down... but I just kept telling myself to put one foot in front of the other. Before I knew it, I was at the top of the hill. From there, it was smooth sailing!!!

All the way down, I felt like I was on cloud 9, I was flying, I was running REALLY fast (well, fast for me!). I even engaged in a little race challenge between two other women that were running at a similar pace. Initially I passed them, but I think I got a little ahead of myself. Before I knew it, I got nauseous, and had to slow down. They passed me, and we still had about a half mile to.

I was getting close to the finish line, when I saw the race clock... I was at 59 minutes and roughly 30 seconds. It was at that moment that I realized I had a third goal...

3. To finish this race in under an hour!!!

I'm not sure where I pulled the strength... but I bolted to the finish line! I clocked in at 59:53 and was completely relived that I had achieved all of my goals (even the one I didn't really know that I had).

45 minutes later... it was time to do the Mud Run!!! Now, I wasn't super excited to do this event anyways... but after I BARELY finished the trail run, I was SUPER not ready to do the Mud Run. I took it REALLY slow. My stomach was having issues, my legs were exhausted, and there was some idiot trying to give out training advice to people, and just being a general A-hole about it throughout the entire course. Once I finally got to the first obstacle, I got more in the spirit.

To make a long story short... it was fun. I don't know that I'd EVER do it again. Well, at least not alone. I saw so many other GROUPS of people that were wearing matching shirts and stuff... and they looked like they were having so much more fun than I was.

Either way... I survived... kinda.

The next day it was time for the Didi Hirsch Alive and Running 5k. I went with the WHOLE family (Mom, Ray, Aunt Cindy and Tyler). I also got to meet up with my friend Sandra while I was there. I didn't initially have any intention on "racing" the whole thing, but once I got going, I couldn't stop.

I would up completing the race in 26:10. I'm not sure if that's a PR for me or not, but I was SUPER happy with it. I spent the rest of the weekend relaxing and preparing for the week ahead.

Things at my internship have gotten better. I finally got my first client :) and I think things are starting to look up. I still have to deal with some issues with my field instructors, but I figured I would take it all ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!

I know this was a CRAPPY update, but its all I really have time for. I promise, starting tomorrow, I will get back into my normal swing of things.

Final Friday of Fantastic Summer Fun!!!!

Happy Last Day of Summer!!!

Now, Summer is my FAVORITE season (possibly because the majority of my family was born in the summer months- myself included), but I mean it when I say I am ready for this summer to be over. It has been a wacky season of wacky heat/ uncomfortable weather conditions. I am very much looking forward to cool morning, cool evenings and perfect running conditions.

I am also very ready for PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING!!! I found some delicious products in the stores, and bought my first can of pumpkin of the season :) More on that to come in my upcoming blogs

Well, I started with my last day of the Summer with some Yoga (yup... that makes 3 days in one week!). This morning I decided to do the "Upper Body: Arms" episode. As you would imagine there were a lot of planks, push ups and shoulder stretches. I could have sworn I did the video a week ago... but I really DON'T remember any of the poses that she was showing. Either way, I sorta made it through the 25 minutes, took a shower and headed to school.

I only had to be on campus for a focus group, and then I had a GAZILLION errands to run today!!! First, I came home and ate lunch.

I've been craving eggs, and my mom bought a new soup! So, I decided to mix the two together :)

Or at least eat them together. After lunch, Mom and I ran some errands and I got to go shopping. Once we were done with that we got pedicures :)

I decided on a nice "Fall" type color. I'm not sure if I love it or not though :/

This is how we bond...

The rest of the evening will be spent relaxing with Tyler and prepping for The Malibu Dirt Dash 10k Trail Run and 5k Mud Run!!!

I'm really nervous, and not sure how to help it, but I can only imagine that Tyler will find JUST the right thing to calm my nerves :)

See you at the Finish line!!!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Marathon Training Schedule

I told you guys I was going to post my training schedule, and I finally got access to the document :)Today is the first day of week two :)

Week 130 easy50 modCTHills 30CT8 milesoff 
Week 230 easyCT9 miles3 milesCTHills 35off 
Week 330 easy60 modCTHills 40CT10 milesoff 
Week 430 easy60 modCTHills 45CT13 milesoff 
Week 530 easy60 modCTHills 50CT10 milesoff 
Week 630 easy50 modCTHills 30CT15 milesoff 
Week 740 mod60 modCTHills 50CT10 milesoff 
Week 850 mod40 easyCT10k trail CT16 milesoff 
Week 920 easy10mi modCTHills 60Off12 milesCT 
Week 1045 mod60 modCTHills 30-4016 milesCToff 
Week 1190 high60 modCTHills 70CT13 milesoff 
Week 1260 easy75 modCTOffOff20 milesCT 
Week 1375 mod90 modCTHills 40CT12 milesoff 
Week 1450 mod6 miles RPCT50 modCT8 milesoff 
Week 15CT40 easy50 easyCToffoffMARATHON!!! 

Three Things Thursday!!!

I am just going to get this thing started...

1. I am in an amazing mood today!!! I am not sure what has happened to me over the past couple of days, but my fog has lifted, and I feel like my usual, spirited self. I took a short run this morning to start off Marathon Training Week 2, and did some yoga when I got home. Today's theme was "Folds"...

In my head, I looked like this.....                                   In reality... I probably looked more like this

My inner yogi

My ACTUAL yogi :)

And yes, that also means I reached my goal of doing yoga at least 2x's per week for this week.

GO ME!!!

I have just been DVRing (is that a term?!?!) 30 minute yoga videos at home, but to be honest, the commercials really mess me up. I think I am going to have to try and find a good yoga video to snag from somewhere.

2. I told you I was going to post pictures of my new shoes... and I am!!!

please ignore my HORRIBLE sock tan :/

I am TOTALLY not a foot model :/

I LOVE them! They're not SUPER comfortable, but what fabulous pair of shoes is?!?! Horrible pictures... but trust me, they look good :)

3. I love when I am driving on the freeway, and the person behind me is Rockin' Out to the EXACT same song that I am (Especially when it is R. Kelly's Ignition Remix). I also love drinking Iced Coffee at 3:30 in the afternoon while driving in my car... (see photo below).

not sure why I was sticking my tongue out in this photo...

Ok... now here is some pictures of my meals from today...


For Brunch, I ate eggs with greens, tomato, squash and avocado. I also had a nectarine on the side :)


For dinner, I had the rest of my leftovers from lunch yesterday, as well as a small sweet potato. DELICIOUS (and stuffed).

What does your inner and actual yogi look like?!?!