Saturday, August 11, 2012

Friday Recap!

Man, it is Saturday already, How did this happen?!?!?

That means that I am officially 6 days away from running My Next Race and 6 days away from starting my week long vacation in Bend Oregon!!! To be Honest... I'm not sure which one I am more excited about!

A couple interesting things happened to me between Friday and today, So I am going to break it up into two separate blog updates... As you can tell by the blog Title, this is going to be my Friday recap.

So, it started out like a normal Friday (I got up, went to work, had to deal with a difficult client) and then something happened... I got major Vacation-Itis. That's when you are SOOOO ready to be on vacation that you just do not have the energy or gumption to complete any of the things that you want to do, and if you do manage to complete them... it is usually done VERY  last minute. So, my vacation-itis set in really bad and all I wanted to do was sit in the office and joke around with my co-workers. Since we don't have a lot of clients right now... that is exactly what we did!!!

There was even a trip to Starbucks involved to help give us  a pick me up.

I tried the new Very- Berry Hibiscus refresher tea. It was really good, and even had actual raspberries in it :) I don't know that I would order it again... but it worked for the moment.

Anyways, I ended up having to stay at work until a little after 7:00pm (mind you... I got to work at 7:50am) and I got to chatting with our office manager. I was standing in her office when all of a sudden she blurts out, "You have amazing hips!!!"

Now, I know I'm suppose to be practicing my "Stopping the Fat Talk", but I instinctively laughed and asked her if she was joking. When she assured me that she wasn't, and even gloated about how she was jealous and wished she had my figure I went on a rant about how disgusting LARGE my hips/thighs were, and how much I would have KILLED to have her body instead of mine. I think this bashing of my body  conversation went one for about 5 minutes or so.

After I walked away I thought... "Wow, that was really nice of her, and COMPLETELY MEAN OF ME!!! What has happened to me over the past few weeks that took from "I love my curves and am glad I have them" to "Omg, I would give them away if I could" ?!?!

Luckily that night, there was a post form another blog that I follow that posted exactly what I needed (Funny how that works out sometimes, right?!). Her post was about writing a letter to say goodbye to something that is holding you back from accomplishing you health and fitness goals.

I thought this sounded like the PERFECT idea, and mentally got started on my Good-Bye letter to my negative self image. So here is my letter.

Dear Hatred Of My Body (or HOMB),

     I have something to tell you and I'm not quite sure how you're going to take it, so I am just going to say it. HOMB, I'm breaking up with you. Please, just hear me out before you get really upset and start saying horrible things to me.

     We've known each other for a really long time now. In fact, I remember the first day we met. Do you?!?! It was when I was about 12, and I was playing kickball in my neighbor Natasha's back yard with her and her two cousins. One of them made fun of me for not being able to run the bases without becoming winded because "I was too fat to play a simple game." Until that moment, I never knew that anyone viewed me in a negative lite. You assured me that this piece of insight was correct and that I was something to be criticized and we've been together ever since.

     You and I went to High School together, HOMB, and you were always made sure to remind me that no one would ever care about me, because I wasn't as attractive as all the other girls my age because of my weight. I always thought that you were trying to protect me from getting  hurt by others... but now I realize that you were just selfish and wanted to kick me down so that you could grow stronger. And boy did you ever. Even when I lost weight, you were always there to remind me how unattractive, unfit, and unworthy of love that I was. Eventually all of your beliefs became my reality.

     I don't want to sound too cliche, but "It's not you, It's me" and "I feel like we both just want different things out of life right now". I just feel like it is time for me to be really happy with who I am and the life that I am living, and You are only satisfied when I am miserable. I have finally realized... that this is not OK and I am putting a stop to it. I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be healthy and I deserve to love who I am WITHOUT YOU!

     I know that we've been together for a long time, but I feel like I am finally at a place in my life where I am ready to let you go and move forward so that I can accomplish and achieve all of the things that you held me back from. But before you go, I want to thank you. Because without you, I could never have become the strong, smart and beautiful woman that I am today. I just know that I can be Stronger, Smarter and even more Beautiful without you.

Best Regards,

Christina Michelle

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