While I was on my run this evening I figured out the first characteristic. Instead of going to the gym like I always do, I listened to what my heart wanted and went to Balboa park to run outside instead. It was humid and windy, but I was determined to get in one more good run before my Half Marathon on Sunday. About a mile in... I got a painful side cramp. I listened to my body and slowed my pace, even though my brain wanted me to push harder to stay under an 8:30min/mile avg. I took a couple deep breaths and asked my HP to relieve me of my burden. With a few more breaths my pain had lifted and I charged full speed ahead.
Prior to going out I had planned to run between 4 & 5 miles. But then I reached The Fork In The Road: Go one way and I would hit about 4.5 miles (my goal) or go the other way and be certain to hit 5+ miles (beyond my goal). Feeling confident in myself and my abilities, I did what I always do and choose the path that would give me more than I had planned. Before I knew it, I was in over my head!
The wind picked up, the shade disappeared and I began to feel completely dehydrate. I was hot, but I had no sweat coming from my body. I was parched, but was unable to create any saliva in my mouth. I was in agonizing pain. I had been here before many time, both in my runs and in my disease. I began my task with a plan in mind and had been led astray by the desire to achieve something far beyond my means. I would have a couple days sober and I would convince myself that I was strong enough to handle taking just one cookie, or having just "a couple chips and guacamole", and before I knew it... I had a thirst that could not be quenched. My weakness was not my binge itself, but it was the belief that I had power over food. Normally, I would give up and completely succumb to my wrong doing. I would overload myself with food from guilt of making a wrong decision. This time, I decided to try something different
I ASKED MY HP FOR HELP!!!
I began with the Serenity Prayer (mostly because it is the only one I know), and I repeated it as many times as I could. It was at this time that I had realized that my HP had a running plan for me, and I had tried to take it in to my own hands. I humbly admitted my wrong doing and continued to pray, but the pain would not ease up.
I asked my HP, "What is it that you want me to SEE?!?!" And at that moment "Just for Today" came to my mind. I began to repeat it Over and Over...