Sunday, June 2, 2013

Sobriety: Day 1

Today was a Good day. I'll tell you about it through my AEIOU's

Abstinence: I was abstinent today, and I made it through the day Sober with my food.
I ate eggs and oats with a banana for breakfast, had a good Tofurkey sandwich on flatbread for lunch with an apple and made a delicious dinner of a sweet potato, grilled veggies and vegetarian sausage. I also had a Greek yogurt as a snack while dinner was cooking. Today is the first day I've REALLY been sober with my food all week. I'm grateful for this gift today.

Exercise: I woke up and went for a run today... I've been avoiding it since Wednesday. It was an extremely slow run (about a minute slower than my usual time), but it felt good. I didn't go run until about 8:30, but it was just getting warm as I was finishing. So cal summer weather is beginning to be in full swing, and I am not going to be able to sleep in that late all too often.

What I did for myself: I really allowed today to be a self-care day. I slept in a little (6 o clock felt too early). I listened to my body for when it was hungry, tired, needed a break, wasn't feeling right. I worked on my school paper (even though I REALLY didn't want to), I checked in with my sponsor and was honest about not wanting to stop working out. I went to a wonderful meeting at 5pm that I really needed to be at.

What I did for Others :I shared a message I heard with a fellow and my sponsor. I thanked the meeting speaker for their share.

What did I Uncover: I uncovered three important messages today at the meeting.

1. I miss waking up and looking forward to eating my breakfast. Almost everyday I make the same thing for breakfast: 3 egg whites with kale, mushrooms, salsa, avocado, flatbread and fruit. Because I have been spending most of my nights binging.... I don't look forward to breakfast anymore. When I wake up, I feel full, bloated, gross and I usually am craving a bunch of sugary carbs! Not my delicious, healthy protein and grains :(. I want to enjoy my breakfast again, which means I have to give up binging late at night.

2.My feelings are like a volcano. They build up and start to get close to the top, which is when I begin to use my bulimia and my binging to cap it off. As long as I eat, or throw up, or over exercise my feelings are unable to be released. As soon as I STOP engaging in these behaviors my feelings ERUPT in an uncontrollable mess that will not stop until everything in its path is destructed.

3. My HP is looking down on me, watching, and hoping for me to finish everyday successfully. She cheers for me when I got to be abstinent and sober, and she cries for me when I return to hurting myself with the food. She loves me unconditionally, has no agenda for me and wants nothing but for me to live happy, joyous, and free. I am tired of hurting my HP, and want all the same things for myself that she wants for me.

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day, but I am going to go into it abstinent and sober. My mother is having her last surgery, and I need to be present for her tomorrow.

Have a Peaceful Monday!

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