Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A Rough Start to a Glorious Beginning

So... I love how I came on here and professed my undying desire to get my shit together and get on the wagon and blog about everything and BLAH BLAH BLAH... and then 


I have no excuses for the last couples days... other than the fact that I still wasn't taking myself seriously. After ending a seeming amazing day with a Luna Bar and an entire bag of oatmeal animal cookies I woke up saying, "What the hell am I doing?!?!" 

I could barely pull myself out of bed, I had a migraine and even went to my internship late because I didn't want to face another disappointing day that resulted in my "Failure". Where I knew I had the real problem was when my supervisor offered to let me take the entire day, and I seriously contemplated never getting out of bed and just repeating the cycle for the 100th time...

Thankfully, I did not succumb to the shitty feelings, and I pulled my ass out of bed, ate a nutritious breakfast, showered, got dressed and showed up (even though 3 our of my 4 clients didn't!). I had a commitment to keep and damn it I was going to keep it.

However, I still felt like complete SHIT. After a desperate please to my best friend Talia for an intervention and a much needed cup of coffee I was beginning to feel much better. Together her and I created an amazing ACTION PLAN to get me back on the right track.

Step 1: I agreed to start committing my food to her each night before bed. This is something I used to do with my sponsor for awhile and I found it really helpful. It was sometimes just nice to give it over to someone else and not really have to stress over it. However, I haven't mustered up the confidence to go back to a meeting... so my BFF will have to do. 

Step 2: Make a flash card of things to do INSTEAD of stuffing my face at night (AKA a "coping card")...Not sure why I never did this before, but better late than never!

Step 3: Continue to work on the goals that I set for myself for this week... even though I kinda ignored them. This included my work out commitment and the blogging idea (Thank you Zumba class and the current entry I'm writing). 

Step 4: Call her and talk to her when and if I needed it :D (or just reach out to someone in general if need be)

Not so bad, huh! And surprisingly gave me some instant relief. It reminded me of when I first got into program and the wonderful feeling I felt having some sobriety from food under my belt... which in turn reminded me of a nightly thing I use to send my sponsor: My AEIOU's. 

So I decided to add a Step 5 to the action: complete my AEIOU's :D (for those of you who dont know that my Abstinence, Exercise, Thing I did for myself, Things I did for Others, and what I UNCOVERED for the day. 

So... now you get to have them:

Abstinent: My formal abstinence from program was "to keep what I eat"and I have successfully done that for more than a year. To me abstinence now means not Binging (no matter how small or large) or eating more than 3 meals and 2 optional snacks.

Exercise: I Zumba'd my ass off for 55 minutes and loved every second. I even got a compliment on my energy level!

What I did for myself: I slept end, I showed up, I kept my commitments, I reached out for help, I spoke my mind, I tried something new

What I did for Others: I took the time to listen to someone who is normally quiet, I gave someone who is not heard a voice. I showed up, I offered my support

What did I Uncover today: The other day I watched a fabulous movie called Coach Carter... and it took my breath away. Throughout the movie Coach Carter asks one of his students, "What is your biggest fear?" and the kid had no idea what he was talking about. Finally the kid responds with this quote:

I have fully decided to adopt this as my current mantra. Feel free to join me.

Well, that's enough for tonight. It is time for some sleeps.

Take Care

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